Do you ever get just absolutely discouraged? You know, when things aren't going the way you think they should? That tends to happen to me when I feel like Heavenly Father should have things happen differently. This week I've had this experience. Apparently there is much I need to learn in regards to patience and trust in the Lord's time. And trust in the Lord's way.
I had some confusion about something, a choice that could, quite possibly, effect the date in which I would be available to go on a mission. In other words, it could make it possible for me to leave sooner than I desire. But...this confusion led to doubts. It led to many other feelings. Frustration. Discouragement. Stress. It led me to question many other decisions I've recently made. It's funny. Within the past two and a half months, I have made probably as many big decisions as I have in the rest of my 19 years. But, ultimately, it came to the point that the only decision I knew, absolutely knew, was the correct decision - the only decision I haven't questioned at all - was my decision to go on a mission.
And then, the reality of how easy it would be to just...enroll in classes again and just forget all about this mission stuff hit me. And it was a much strong temptation than I thought it would be. It would be SO easy. It would be a lot easier to go to school than to prepare for a mission. As hard and stressful as school is...it will be much easier than going on a mission; the dedication one must put forth on a mission is incredible. None of that time is yours - it's all the Lord's, and it should all be spent devoted to doing what can best serve others.
So, all this confusion and doubt was really bringing me down. So, what did I do? Well, I talked to the sister missionaries. I have this thing with letting people know about the not-happy-or-positive- thoughts and feelings that go on inside of me. I don't do it. I have a hard time with it. An entire lifetime of people being like, "Oh, Beth, these people look up to you, because of your strength, your faith, your example. You're just so great!" It makes me feel like a phony. It makes me feel like if I show any sign of weakness, I'm letting those people down. I know, it's irrational. It's silly. It's prideful. But I can't do it. Even with many of my closest friends, whom I trust SO much, I cannot share those things. Writing it on this blog? Well, it's slightly different. One, I'm pretty much over it. Two...I'm not actually telling anyone in specific. Three, I know only a handful of people actually read this and most of them are family, so, no big deal.
Anyways. I talked to the sister missionaries. More for comfort than for an actual answer to my confusion. And. Let me tell you. Sister Ferrell was very firm with me. She obviously was very loving. She gave advice - and some scriptures to read (go figure! A missionary through and through) - but,when it came right down to it, she was just like, "Beth. You know. You know what's right, you know the spirit and how to recognize it. Just have a little more faith a trust." Gentle and loving, but firm. I feel like if I ever came up to her and told her, for whatever reason, that I was leaving the church, she would spit fire at me and single-handily reconvert me. Quite frankly, I'd be terrified to tell her that.
It is the sisters like Sister Ferrell - and many, many of the other sisters I have come into contact with in the past year or so - who inspire me, who keep this fiery desire to go on a mission burning. And now, although I still really don't know how things are going to work out...I know they will! Because I have faith. And hope. And that awful confusion and discouragement that I was feeling is banished. I'm still a little anxious. But I know that it will work out. Because Heavenly Father wants me to go on a mission - because I want to go on a mission. He will make it possible. He will provide a way. Hope has brightened the way.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Joy to the World
We live in a broken world. A dark world full of evils and cruelties and sadness. It's days like today that I find it hard to see the good in the world. But...the thing is...there IS good. There is such wonderful, beautiful light. There is love. There is peace. There is good. There is hope. But, above all, there is joy.
Yesterday I helped the sister missionaries do a lesson. It was kind of a strange day for me, and I felt like I needed that boost of extra spirit and happiness in my day. I feel like I need it more today. But, what we did for the lesson was watch the video Joy to the World. It was one the church made a few years back. It show the nativity scene, along with scenes from Christ's life. Christmas songs are sung in the background by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. When Sister Ferrell asked me what I was thinking about, I answered with, "Joy."
Christ is joy. The song "Joy to the World" is about how Christ brought joy to this earth by being born. He is joy. No matter what goes on in life, He still wants us to find joy in Him. This is why He was born in a stable - a stable of all of places! And a stable back then was nothing more than a cave! He was born to a poor family, raised by lowly means. He suffered for us and died for us. He could have spent His entire life looking around and saying, "Look at the world. Look at the wickedness. Look at these sins you people are committing. I'm going to suffer for them!" He could have focused on that His entire life and had no joy, because He was looking towards the dark gloom. Instead, He uplifted. He loved with a love we cannot comprehend. He praised people for the good they did, for the repentance they went through. He found joy in the smallest of things. He, who had to suffer so much more than we ever will suffer. He was happy throughout His life. And it is important that we strive to do so also, that we strive to see the good and the light in people.
It's true, He was not always joyful. He took the time to weep with Mary and Martha. He grieved for sins. That's important. "Mourn with those who mourn" you know? But, do not get discouraged by the darkness that's out there. Because if you fail to look for those glimpses of light and love, you will be overwhelmed with darkness. Yes, it's ok to be sad. But do not lose hope and peace. Remember this wonderful, wonderful man:
Merry Christmas, my friends. May this Christmas season bring your closer to the Savior, fill your hearts with ever increasing love, and bring peace to your heart and soul. Jesus Christ was born for me and for you. Joy to the world!
Yesterday I helped the sister missionaries do a lesson. It was kind of a strange day for me, and I felt like I needed that boost of extra spirit and happiness in my day. I feel like I need it more today. But, what we did for the lesson was watch the video Joy to the World. It was one the church made a few years back. It show the nativity scene, along with scenes from Christ's life. Christmas songs are sung in the background by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. When Sister Ferrell asked me what I was thinking about, I answered with, "Joy."
Christ is joy. The song "Joy to the World" is about how Christ brought joy to this earth by being born. He is joy. No matter what goes on in life, He still wants us to find joy in Him. This is why He was born in a stable - a stable of all of places! And a stable back then was nothing more than a cave! He was born to a poor family, raised by lowly means. He suffered for us and died for us. He could have spent His entire life looking around and saying, "Look at the world. Look at the wickedness. Look at these sins you people are committing. I'm going to suffer for them!" He could have focused on that His entire life and had no joy, because He was looking towards the dark gloom. Instead, He uplifted. He loved with a love we cannot comprehend. He praised people for the good they did, for the repentance they went through. He found joy in the smallest of things. He, who had to suffer so much more than we ever will suffer. He was happy throughout His life. And it is important that we strive to do so also, that we strive to see the good and the light in people.
It's true, He was not always joyful. He took the time to weep with Mary and Martha. He grieved for sins. That's important. "Mourn with those who mourn" you know? But, do not get discouraged by the darkness that's out there. Because if you fail to look for those glimpses of light and love, you will be overwhelmed with darkness. Yes, it's ok to be sad. But do not lose hope and peace. Remember this wonderful, wonderful man:
He loves you and He did not suffer and die for naught. Remember Him and let peace fill your soul. Those innocent whose lives were lost this day are in a much happier place than this dreary world. Families can be together for ever, because of our Savior Jesus Christ. Find reason to rejoice on this day, at least one.
Merry Christmas, my friends. May this Christmas season bring your closer to the Savior, fill your hearts with ever increasing love, and bring peace to your heart and soul. Jesus Christ was born for me and for you. Joy to the world!
Friday, December 7, 2012
Live Like We're Dying
Sometimes I wonder how well we all listen to each other. I know I can do better. Sometimes at work, when someone walks in I say, "Hi, how can I help you?" and the response they give me is, "I'm good." and I'm like...cool...how can I help you? Granted, Hanna does say, "Hi, how are you?" when someone walks in. Probably because she's more polite and nicer than me. And partly because, if someone just lost their card, they tend to be in a cranky mood, and I don't feel like opening that can of worms. I'm not a therapist quite yet. Anyways. Maybe they respond with, "I'm good" because they've come in when Hanna is working as asks that. But, that still means they did not listen to the words I myself said when they walked in. And, it made me wonder, how often do we really, truly listen to what the people around us have to say. I mean, yes. There's those people who go on, and on, and on, and really have nothing of substance to say. But what if they DO have something to say that might inspire a thought in you? But you were so wrapped up in your own thoughts, your own problems, what you were going to say next, that you really didn't take the effort to listen to what they were saying.
This morning while I was straightening up my room a wee bit, I was listening to some music. Kris Allen's "Live Like We're Dying" song came on. And, I've done a blog post on this song before. Because the song always, always makes me think about what I'm doing, and the love I'm showing and expressing. And...how would I really live my life if I knew I was going to die the very next day? Wouldn't you care about what the ones you love had to say to you? Wouldn't you want to know all about them, learn everything about them you didn't know before then? And, yes, you obviously would want to say much to them, so they know how much you care about them. But, I feel like if we knew we were going to die the very next day, we would do a lot of things a lot more...intently. With a lot more meaning behind them. With a lot more purpose. And, maybe, this is how we should live every day of our lives! We don't know when our lives will end. We don't know when the end will come, when the Second Coming will happen, when we may lose someone we love. So make every day count.
What would you do if you knew you were doing to die the next day? It's kind of a hard thing to think about - because we've never experienced it, so it's hard to say, "I would do THIS!" But...what I'd like to think I would do, if I had this knowledge, is make sure I let the people I know that I love them. Truly, and honestly love them. And try to make sure that they know that it's true. I probably would bear my testimony of the Church and of the Savior with those people, as well, because it is pretty much the most precious thing I have, and it is the most important knowledge that I have.
So much of our lives should be motivated by love - at least in my opinion. So, love should motivate us to listen a little better, speak a little more earnestly, think a little less about ourselves, and spend a little bit more time doing service, especially for the ones we love.
"How come we don't say I love you enough?"
This morning while I was straightening up my room a wee bit, I was listening to some music. Kris Allen's "Live Like We're Dying" song came on. And, I've done a blog post on this song before. Because the song always, always makes me think about what I'm doing, and the love I'm showing and expressing. And...how would I really live my life if I knew I was going to die the very next day? Wouldn't you care about what the ones you love had to say to you? Wouldn't you want to know all about them, learn everything about them you didn't know before then? And, yes, you obviously would want to say much to them, so they know how much you care about them. But, I feel like if we knew we were going to die the very next day, we would do a lot of things a lot more...intently. With a lot more meaning behind them. With a lot more purpose. And, maybe, this is how we should live every day of our lives! We don't know when our lives will end. We don't know when the end will come, when the Second Coming will happen, when we may lose someone we love. So make every day count.
What would you do if you knew you were doing to die the next day? It's kind of a hard thing to think about - because we've never experienced it, so it's hard to say, "I would do THIS!" But...what I'd like to think I would do, if I had this knowledge, is make sure I let the people I know that I love them. Truly, and honestly love them. And try to make sure that they know that it's true. I probably would bear my testimony of the Church and of the Savior with those people, as well, because it is pretty much the most precious thing I have, and it is the most important knowledge that I have.
So much of our lives should be motivated by love - at least in my opinion. So, love should motivate us to listen a little better, speak a little more earnestly, think a little less about ourselves, and spend a little bit more time doing service, especially for the ones we love.
"How come we don't say I love you enough?"
Monday, December 3, 2012
It's the end of an era for one Beth Ann Root
For the past six and a half years of my life, I've been in choir - not all of them were good choirs, and a couple of my choir directors almost sucked the joy of singing out of me (which is why I have such a great appreciate for good directors) - but choir has become a HUGE part of my life.
Music is very important to me; I'm not very good as expressing what I'm thinking or feeling, so I use music to convey the feelings inside of me. Lately, music has taken a back seat - life is crazy! I'm a stressed college student, trying to do all my school work, work, fulfill church callings and obligations, trying (sort of) to have a social life, and sleep enough so I'm not a big crankypants. My piano skills have been sorely neglected and my guitar has been sitting in a corner, gathering dust. Choir has been keeping me sane; keeping me involved in music; keeping that love of music alive inside of me.
It was such a blessing, the day I decided to take choir instead of doing sports, like I had wanted to do for the first 15 years of my life. (When I was 8, it was my dream to become the first woman in Major League Baseball. Don't you dare laugh. If I had been on a team and had been trained, I would have been a stinkin' good player!) Do you know how different of a person I would have been without music? I would probably be a much angrier person; music has softened me, has made me into a gentler person. I would probably be even worse than I already am at expressing myself. Essentially, that fated day, when I made that decision, has forever changed my life. I call Divine Intervention on that one.
Today was my last day of choir for 2 years. And, maybe, my last day of choir for much, much longer than that. Except for institute choir. But, truthfully, that's not real...choir-y. This thought...has saddened me greatly. It was probably one of the saddest moments of my life. Honestly. Even though I have been neglecting music more than I should, even though I'm not the most musically talented, even though I don't know as much about music as a lot of other people, it is still very important to me - it's the feeling that music invokes, and the power it has to touch the hearts of people.
Music is a blessing. It's a gift from God. God loves music. He loves it when a person sings, even if they are not the best singer, and He especially loves it when we sing to glorify Him, to proclaim our testimony and love for Him. Choir has been such an important part of my life. It's what made my senior year of high school. My sophomore year of high school in choir made me remember why choir was so amazing, why I loved it so much. And last night, the last performance of Holiday Dinner (as much as I complained about it, every time I started singing, all my worries and complaints went away, as I was enveloped in the music) reminded me of why I sing! It reminded me of the power one has with music - which is why one must only listen to and participate in good, wholesome music. Last night, as we finished up our performance, I was thinking about how I wouldn't be taking choir for a couple of years. And I was just like, "Huh. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted." This morning, sitting in choir for the last time this semester, I was holding back tears the entire class period. Because I looked around at all the girls, and realized that I loved them so much. Even the ones that I'm pretty sure I've never spoken a word to. There's just a bond that is formed when you sing with someone. And the thought of not coming back, and not singing with them, not sharing those special moments with them. And, simply not being in a choir. It was a hard thing for me.
To close, I want to share this song that, several years ago, touched my heart. And expresses, quite well, my feelings towards music. It kinda became known as my song my senior year. It truly is fantastic. And, when I heard it, and truly listened to it for the first time, it changed the way I saw music.
Let music never die in me! Forever let my spirit sing! Let music live!
Music is very important to me; I'm not very good as expressing what I'm thinking or feeling, so I use music to convey the feelings inside of me. Lately, music has taken a back seat - life is crazy! I'm a stressed college student, trying to do all my school work, work, fulfill church callings and obligations, trying (sort of) to have a social life, and sleep enough so I'm not a big crankypants. My piano skills have been sorely neglected and my guitar has been sitting in a corner, gathering dust. Choir has been keeping me sane; keeping me involved in music; keeping that love of music alive inside of me.
It was such a blessing, the day I decided to take choir instead of doing sports, like I had wanted to do for the first 15 years of my life. (When I was 8, it was my dream to become the first woman in Major League Baseball. Don't you dare laugh. If I had been on a team and had been trained, I would have been a stinkin' good player!) Do you know how different of a person I would have been without music? I would probably be a much angrier person; music has softened me, has made me into a gentler person. I would probably be even worse than I already am at expressing myself. Essentially, that fated day, when I made that decision, has forever changed my life. I call Divine Intervention on that one.
Today was my last day of choir for 2 years. And, maybe, my last day of choir for much, much longer than that. Except for institute choir. But, truthfully, that's not real...choir-y. This thought...has saddened me greatly. It was probably one of the saddest moments of my life. Honestly. Even though I have been neglecting music more than I should, even though I'm not the most musically talented, even though I don't know as much about music as a lot of other people, it is still very important to me - it's the feeling that music invokes, and the power it has to touch the hearts of people.
Music is a blessing. It's a gift from God. God loves music. He loves it when a person sings, even if they are not the best singer, and He especially loves it when we sing to glorify Him, to proclaim our testimony and love for Him. Choir has been such an important part of my life. It's what made my senior year of high school. My sophomore year of high school in choir made me remember why choir was so amazing, why I loved it so much. And last night, the last performance of Holiday Dinner (as much as I complained about it, every time I started singing, all my worries and complaints went away, as I was enveloped in the music) reminded me of why I sing! It reminded me of the power one has with music - which is why one must only listen to and participate in good, wholesome music. Last night, as we finished up our performance, I was thinking about how I wouldn't be taking choir for a couple of years. And I was just like, "Huh. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted." This morning, sitting in choir for the last time this semester, I was holding back tears the entire class period. Because I looked around at all the girls, and realized that I loved them so much. Even the ones that I'm pretty sure I've never spoken a word to. There's just a bond that is formed when you sing with someone. And the thought of not coming back, and not singing with them, not sharing those special moments with them. And, simply not being in a choir. It was a hard thing for me.
To close, I want to share this song that, several years ago, touched my heart. And expresses, quite well, my feelings towards music. It kinda became known as my song my senior year. It truly is fantastic. And, when I heard it, and truly listened to it for the first time, it changed the way I saw music.
Let music never die in me! Forever let my spirit sing! Let music live!
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