After the fireside, I decided I'd take the time to read the copy of Jesus the Christ I have - I don't have much time to read it right now. I'm waiting for the craziness of this semester to be over before I really dig in - and because some stuff was going on in the apartment, I stuck some headphones in my hears and started listening to Rob Gardner's Lamb of God while reading. That is like the ultimate experience, let me tell you. And, then, as I finished up the chapter I was reading, the song "I Cannot Watch Them" came on. Here, Peter denies Christ the three times, and then he realizes what he's done, and as he flees, he says, "What have I done?...I know this man!" Because of my experiences this day, I was struck by this song. I cannot forget what He did for me. Yet, I wonder how many times I deny Him. Do I ever turn my back on Him?
I cannot do this. I cannot afford it. How can I turn my back on the man who suffered for me, who makes it possible for me to repent, to have eternal happiness, and to transcend the temptations Satan puts before me. I cannot bear - I cannot afford - to let people degrade Him, dishonor Him, to bring Him down, to hurt Him! To this, I sing alongside Peter in this song, "I will not watch them crucify my Lord. For I know this man! I know Him! I know this man!"
Instead, I must dedicate my life to Him, just as Peter, just as Alma the elder and Alma the younger, just as Paul, just as any prophet, disciple, or follower of Christ whose life was changed by Him and His love. I must teach others of Him, bring others closer to Him, love as He did.
I know this man:
I know that this man lives. He lived, He died, and lives again, for me! For my benefit! To help me. And for the whole world. There is no person who I love more - though I know I need to do so much more to express that love. And there is no other person who I want to be like.
And, in case this isn't long enough...here's something that expresses a little bit how I feel about Him, and my hopes of what I become in life.
His Eyes
I look at the scars.
I look at the feet
That have carried me far.
I look at my face
With both beauties and flaws
Then I look at my eyes
But there I must pause.
So there I do look,
And hope that I see
A deep, shining light
That has often led me.
I see this great light
In leaders, friends, kids.
I look in my eyes
And hope it's not hid.
This wonderful light,
It's the light of Christ.
It's the light of the man
Who paid a great price.
One gloomy, dark night,
This wonderful man
Carried a great burden
That no other man can.
The very next morn
After the burden so great,
He died on a cross
To help our own fate.
I live my life so,
Maybe someday,
Words of gratitude, praise,
Words of love I can say.
I want to be worth
To tell Him these words.
So, in this long journey,
The light, I'll go towards.
So on that great day
When, face to face, we'll meet,
I'll fall on my knees,
With joy, Him I'll greet.
I'll look at His hands,
I'll look at the scars.
I'll look at the feet
That have helped me go far.
I'll look at His face
With just beauty, no flaws.
Then I'll look in His eyes,
And there, I will pause.
And I hope, will all hope
He will look back at me
And say, "Little sister,
I see me in thee."
I know I will weep,
And I hope He will say,
"Little sister, well done.
You've returned home today."
