Life...and stuff

Welp, I've been super busy with school and homework and life. I had honest intentions to blog regularly. But since I have no clue how many people actually read this and since I have very little free time, I don't post as often as I originally planned. But, since I'm procrastinating my homework - my gimpy brother is watching TV anyway (He hurt his back so he has been sitting in the chair and watching TV for forever. And since he's a cripple, I must humor him.) - I decided to do a post. It's basically going to be a big jumbled mess. Which is typically what's going on in my brain, anyway.

So, this Friday, my sister is getting married. It's pretty awesome. Except it's kinda freaking me out, because she's three years older than me. Which means I that in three years I could be getting married. As much as I really want to get married, I'm am NOT ready for that.

Last Saturday was the Homecoming dance. It was lots of fun. I had a great group and a great date. Unfortunately, I didn't get to slow dance with him, because we were only there for one slow dance, and that ended up being the dance where all the Homecoming King and Queen nominees danced together. So I just kinda stood there awkwardly, until McKenna, being the sweetheart that she is, told her date to dance with me while she went to get a drink of water. So, I ended up dancing with my date's younger brother, Joseph! But, all in all, it was a fun night.

October Break was great - sorta. That was when my grandma died, but it was also Girls Camp. Let me tell you, being a YCL is one of the greatest experiences a person can have. I'm kind of a selfish person. But, for those few days, I dedicate myself to serving those girls that I'm over. I try my best to leave my wants out of the picture, and give myself up in service. And the relationship that is formed is amazing. I still consider some of the girls I was over last year as really good friends. In fact, one of them helped me a lot when I found out my grandma died. I just love them lots! When I think of Girls Camp, now, I picture the sweet faces of those girls I was over. And I miss them! It's hard not seeing them constantly like I did at camp. As a YCL, you learn how to love completely, how to see others as daughters of God, who are of great worth. It's been a couple of weeks, and I'm still thinking about and missing camp. But, the great thing about it, is that our stake youth activities are that much more fun, because I get to see everyone! Like softball this week! I'm so excited for that! Softball is possibly one of my favorite mutual activities.

Welp, I prolly should get to work. There's an unfortunate choir festival tonight that takes up half the night, which means less time for homework and such.

Thank you for the music - a tribute.

"Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me"
-ABBA

This Girls Camp was...interesting, for the lack of a better word. Depending on the mood I am when you ask me, I might say it was my best, but I also might say it was my worst. There was just a lot that happened - but I do know all of it has potential to make me stronger.

The weekend before, my grandma Root had a massive stroke. She wasn't expected to live much longer. So, I went off to camp, telling my dad to call one of the leaders if she did happen to pass away. Monday night, the first night up there, a leader pulled me aside to tell me that Grandma wasn't doing well, and that my dad didn't think she'd last a whole lot longer. I was fine. A little sad, but I was expecting it. Then, Tuesday night, I was pulled aside again. This time, I was told that she passed away. And I was devastated.

The thing is, I was expecting it. And I know that her spirit is still living. I know that she's happier now - that she's finally reached her happily ever after (the camp theme). But, I was just completely and utterly devastated. I couldn't face anyone. The rest of the time there, I kept smiling and laughing only because of the girls around me. It's easy to smile for others, and then eventually the smile becomes real.

But, this isn't supposed to be about me - ok, I guess it is a tiny little bit. But this is about my grandma, and what she has done for me. She has given me one of the most wonderful gifts I could ever ask for: music. I was eight years old. My dream was to become the first woman in major league baseball. I planned on being in every sport possible in high school. I was a die-hard sports fan. Then, for Christmas, my grandma said she'd give me piano lessons. I knew a little bit - my mom had taught me a bit. But, basically all I could play was Mary Had a Little Lamb.

So, I learned piano. And, while I didn't exactly like practicing, or all the songs she assigned me to play, I grew to love playing. Once I got into Young Womens, I started learning hymns, and I loved it. I started attempting John Schmidt songs. I played for a niece's baptism. I learned to feel music, not just play it. Because of those piano lessons, I chose band and choir my 9th grade year over volleyball and softball. I gradually lost my athletic skills, because I wasn't working on them. Basically, the only sport I'm decent at now is softball.

Now, I'm wussy, hate exercising, hardly ever watch sports, but music has become my passion. I sing, play piano, am a former drummer/percussionist, and play a wee bit of guitar. I attempted to teach myself violin, but that lasted about a week - I'll prolly need lessons if I ever really want to learn. Music helps me survive life.

I've been going through a whole lot recently. Just struggling to get by - but hey, that's life! And, what's been helping me get through it, is music. I believe it has power to heal the soul. It invites the Spirit, it makes me happy, and I can put my everything into it, whenever I'm having a lousy day. I forget myself in the music. Music is a part of me. Music can also be used as service - a song unto the Lord, to invite the Spirit, to help others. And service makes me happy.

I don't know what would have happened if I never had those piano lessons. Would I be a hardcore athlete? Would I even be in choir? Would I love to run? (Running is something I really dislike doing.) Would I be the person I am now? I don't know, I honestly don't. So, I just want to say, Grandma, thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing. Thank you for the music, for giving it to me.

Homecoming? Why yeesss!

So, this morning, I wake up to my alarm at 6:00. I forgot to turn off my alarm. I get up anyway, since I had the SAT to go to. I change, but then fall alseep on the living room couch. Half an hour, my mom walks in, slightly confused to see me sprawled out on the couch. She then goes outside to turn the fountain on, but instead of coming back in, she yells, "Beth, why is the house TPed?" I was confused. I walked outside to see on the doormat:

Umm...sorry. It turned sideways...and I'm too lazy to try to fix it. Ya'll can read sideways, right? (Is anyone else confused by the random sun?) 

So I take down all...or most...of the toilet paper, and there were letters written one them. So, I ripped the letters off, arranged them to get this name:

So why is this one normal? Oh well. So yeah. Johnathan Speakman. Needless to say, I'm like ridiculously excited. I actually wasn't expecting to get asked. So getting asked by one of the nicest boys ever was a pleasant surprise. Hence the ridiculous excitement. It's going to be freakin' awesome.

In other news...since I haven't updated in, like, eternity...school has been stressful. There may be certain teachers *cough cough Garcia cough cough* that, if they happened to disappear, I wouldn't mind too much. Though I swear I would have nothing to do with it...

I've quit my job. I've been super stressed, and had been considering it for a little while. And then, my daddy's schedule got changed, so I have no ride. So, no more work! Which also means no more moolah.

Also, music is amazing. Not that you all didn't know that already. But, lately, it's something I've come to appreciate even more. (I know, I thought it was impossible too. But, hey! Miracles do happen!) I've started playing Olivia a little bit more often. I'm bringing her to Girls Camp this next week, for our singing trees song. And I'm kinda excited to show all the little 1st years I'm over this year how cool their YCL is. Because I can play the guitar. Yes, Olivia is my guitar. Here she is!

See! It turned again! but...it's almost better this way...perhaps...but yeah. This is Olivia the guitar. She's purty, isn't she? Technically, she's not mine. She's my brother's. But I just like to pretend she's mine.

So, yeah. That's been my life in a nutshell. Minus some stuff. Like how I considered dropping A Cappella, (long story, but no worries, it's not gonna happen) and how I went to my sister, Amy's, bridal shower and bachelorette party - in less than three weeks, she'll be married! And a few other minor details.But, it's been...life! I'm just plugging through it.

Well, that's it for now. When I get back from girls camp, I'll prolly share some stuff about it. And I'll try to post more often. As long as I don't get too lazy...haha. :)

Awesomeness

Ok, so there's a lot that happened this weekend that I want to share, but I'll do it one at a time, and not in the order that it happened.

Last night, I had an awesome experience. I went to the Lamb of God concert, performed by the EVMCO (East Valley Mormon Choir Organization) and conducted by Rob Gardner.

Oh my gosh is was SO amazing. Let me tell you. I love music. And that is exactly why I love music. The spirit was so strong. The music told a story, sometimes in a different perspective that what you normally would. It was about the days leading up to the Atonement and then the Resurrection. I learned some things. I was inspired by others. One thing that really struck me was Mary, Jesus' mother. How many of us think of her, and the pain and anguish she must have gone through watching her son suffer and die, and not be able to do anything about it. I know whenever I see someone I love in pain or suffering in some way, I want to help. It almost physically pains me to see them in pain. And it must be like 50 times worse for a mother to watch a child go through something like that, and have absolutely no power to help. It must have been a sacrifice for Mary. She's definitely someone I want to run up to and give a big hug to when I get the chance to meet her.

So, yeah, that concert was inspiring and refreshing. I love me some good music. And not only was that inspiring and spiritually music, but it was just good! Seriously, that choir was amazing. Amazing tone, amazing balance, amazing blends, amazing power. Just, you know, all-round full of amazingly awesomeness.

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a poet

On the way to Utah Friday night, I received inspiration on a poem to write. I've been thinking about what to write, since I need 4 original poems for my portfolio. So, since it was like 2 am at the time, it was pitch black. Like, I could see nothing outside the car window. And it freaked me out. Mostly because of my dad's driving. He's not a bad driver, don't get me wrong. But roads are curvy, my imagination is active, I'm terrified of heights, and who knew if there was an edge, and my dad occasionally likes to drive faster than my liking. So, I was probably a little more scared than I should have been. But then I'd fall asleep for twenty minutes, shift positions, sleep some more, wake up, talk a wee bit, then sleep some more. So I didn't freak out the whole night.

But at one point when I was staring out into the creepy darkness, I thought of an idea for the poem. And I wrote it today on the car ride home. And I want to share it, because I want critiquing. So here it is. The title is still iffy.

In the Darkness

I look out into the darkness,
The deep, dark Night.
I see nothing,
Save rare glimpses
Of Light.

Despair fills my heart,
For my eyes see nothing
But the deep, dark Night.

My eyes close tight,
Hoping that when they open,
There'll be no more Night.
But, no, the dark
Still overwhelms.

Fear grips my being,
Fear of the unknown
As strange, eerie sounds
Penetrate the Night and
Come to my ears.

There terror nearly masters me,
Till I see another small Light,
And I'm reminded of
The Dawn.

Hope overtakes the
Fear, despair, and terror,
Every bad thought and feeling
Banished.

For the Dawn breaks
Every morn.
The Sun will come.

Thought clouds shroud the sky,
And also my heart,
The Sun will always come.
Maybe not in the open, or
Clearly seen,
But always there.

The Sun waits to
Shine through the darkness.
There can be no darkness
Without the Light.
There can be no morning
Without the Night.

The terror is gone,
The hope growing strong,
And my eyes are now
Towards the sky,
Searching for the coming
Sun.

Ok, keep in mind that this is free verse. It's not supposed to be exactly flowy, and there's no particular structure. But, please let me know what you think. If you have critics, let me know...But you should know that I tend to take them personally. I try not to, but it just sometimes happens. So, yeah. Still let me know if you have critics. I want to make it super good! Thanks!

P.S. Please notice how I made the whole metaphor thing optional. I could literally be talking about the sun, or, you know, the Son. I felt clever when I was writing it.

Randomness on a stick

I just finished an essay that took forever to write because of brain farts and the constant distraction of little kids. Some I'm related to, some I'm not. And, let me just say that I'm glad that the most annoying kid is NOT related to me. So, basically, my brain is flowing randomness from my brain, and I felt like typing some of it out.

1. I really, really like the oldies. A 10+ hour car ride, and we listened to nothing but oldies. And I really liked it. But, let me tell you, some of the oldie songs were just as scandalous and modern songs.

2. I hate sleeping in cars. Like a lot. And, if you leave at 10 at night, you need to sleep. Well, if you're me. So, now my knee/leg hurts because I found the most comfortable position to sleep, but after like 10 minutes, it would make my right leg cramp up. Actually, at the moment, both my legs are cramping. I've probably been sitting too long.

3. Naps are the best. I love them. A lot.

4. I left my MP3 player at home. And I'm sad because of it. I'm craving me some Nickel Creek goodness right now. And I can't just pull up Pandora or Youtube because everyone else in the room is sleeping.

5. I really like using laptop. They're spiffy, and I feel like I type super fast. I don't know if that's true, and if it is why that would be. Or if it isn't, why it feels like I type with super speed. But, yeah.

6. So I have this poetry portfolio to do, and I'm supposed to put in 4 originals that I've written myself. Which I guess is the definition of original, huh? On the car ride up here to Utah, I received inspiration for two of them. I'm excited to write them.

7. Speaking of poetry, I'm using my sister's poetry for the two poems that I need for the contemporary poems for the portfolio. Because she's a legit poet. Like, for reals. She's published, and not just in that cheesy district contest book thingy. Basically, her poems are awesome.

8. Gardetto's is seriously one of the greatest snack foods in the history of snack foods. And Jerky. (written while chomping on some Gardetto's

9. Have I ever mentioned how much I love blogging? Because I love it. A lot.

10. It's really awesome that, despite the crappy quality of sleep I've gotten, I am in a really good mood.

11. My mom is using a laptop for the first time in her life at this very moment. I'm so proud of her. :)

12. By the way, I'm here in Utah for my niece's baptism. Tomorrow is her 8th birthday, and she gets to be baptized tomorrow, which is really unusual for two reasons. It's on a Sunday and it's on her birthday. She's just special, I guess.

13. My mom left her camera at her classroom yesterday, so we weren't able to bring it with us. Which make me really sad, because I wanted to show you all some pictures of my adorable little nieces and nephews, and because I wanted a picture for myself of the first time I get to hold little Faith. She's 5 months old and I've only ever seen her in pictures or through Skype. I'll - hopefully! - get to hold her tomorrow.

Uh, I'm tired. and probably should work on my poetry portfolio, so the randomness is over, for now.

Oh! last one! Sara Bareilles' new CD comes out soon. And though I have no clue when I'll actually be able to buy it, I'm so excited for it. She's like my all-time favorite. EVER!

I have a confession to make

I complain. A lot. I often say it's a hobby of mine. But, within the past month or so, it's gotten a lot worse. Like, right now, I can name off a bunch of stuff to complain about without thinking to hard: My back hurts. I'm tired. I'm on my freakin' period. (Sorry if that's TMI, but...let's face it. It happens to me every month for a week, and more or less the same thing for every other girl going through or who has gone through puberty. It's a fact of life...suck it up, my friend.) I don't have time to do any homework, except the stuff that due the next day, so I have no time to work on the projects. This weekend, I have mucho tarea to do, and like no time to do it. My brother has moved back home, and while that's not a bad thing, I have to learn to share everything. My room has been cut in half, because of long story that I'm not going to get into. And I want a cell phone.

Um...well, that got carried away. But, you get my point. I'm super negative. I can find so much to complain about. And it's really been just dragging me down. I mean, I'm happy. But it's hard to focus on bad and good at the same time. So, I'm just really glad to have the friends that I do, because they help me forget the bad and the whiny, complaininess. Today in choir, on of my friends just came up and gave me a hug, out of the blue, no special reason. And, when I was getting all pessimistic, I just remembered that hug and I smile and think of how awesome it is that I have friends who care about me.

Every single day, someone, somehow, makes me feel special and helps me stay positive. Every single time I show that I'm being all moody and upset, someone lets me know that they care about me and that they actually want me to be happy.

So, after thinking about how it's awesome that I have the friends that I do, and how there really were good parts to my day, and how I actually have things to be grateful for, I realized that to every negative thought, there's a positive.

My back may hurt, but I can have it worked on for free at work, if I want, while others have to pay for their therapy. If I'm tired, I'll just go to sleep faster. And I might be loopy the next day. I'm on my period...well...that just means I can be a mommy when I'm married. The homework, well, that just gives me something to do on the 10 hour car ride to and from Utah this weekend. Michael has moved back home, but now I have someone to talk to about randomness. And sharing is caring. My room is tiny, but I'll have to actually hang my clothes up now, which means no wrinkly shirts. And, the cell phone...well...um....let me think...I guess since I don't have to pay for it, that's money that's going into my college fund.

So, I'm going to make it a goal of mine to try to see the positive, instead of the negative. If you see me complaining, I give you permission to smack me. Just kidding, don't smack me. Just yell at me and tell me to think happy thoughts.