Beth has been keeping a secret...would you like to know it?

Well, it's not exactly a secret...I mean I haven't gone around telling people it, and if people ask me straight up about it, sometimes I'll tell them and sometimes I'll beat around the bush. You see...this subject if very near and dear to my heart. It is the subject of missionary work. From about age 4, I was determined to go on a mission. It was my greatest goal in life. My primary teacher, Sis. Scott, said she was leaving to go on a mission. Being 4 years old and only seeing boys leave, I was thoroughly confused.  I mean, only boys were allowed to go, right? She explained to me that girls could go too, at age 21, if they wanted to. From that moment, I knew I was going to go. I remember, even at age 8, someone asked me if I wanted to go on a mission (I don't remember why they asked me, but I remember this instance) and I responded with a resounding, "Yes!" They looked a little shocked. And probably didn't believe 8 year old me.

So, I went through the next 10 years of my life, intending to go on a mission - that is, if I didn't get married first. I wouldn't complain if that happened. But then, I hit college. And I feel so at home. I mean, yes, there's stress and problems, and, hey, life is hard. But, it was great! Flagstaff was (is) fantastic. I felt so comfortable. Psychology is my calling in life. Heavenly Father told me multiple times last year that psychology is definitely what I'm meant to be studying and ultimately what I'm supposed to do with my life. So...going on a mission didn't make sense. It didn't fit. Although I still knew it'd be awesome to go...I lost a great part of that desire to go. It kinda got pushed into the very corners of my mind.

Then, about February-ish, the sister missionaries that were in Flagstaff with the YSA were Sis. Wise and Sis. Vaughan.  It was when they were here that I started getting involved with missionary work up here. I would go to lessons and stuff. And, after I would do things with them, I felt that desire stir inside of me. But then, a few days later - maybe even a couple hours later - I'd get sucked back into collegeland and psychology everything, and that desire got smothered and pushed back.

Months go by and then it's October. General Conference. I go up to Utah with my roommate, Kathleen. We didn't have tickets, but we stood in the stand-by lines with hopes of getting into the conference center. And we got there extremely early. While we were waiting in line, a sister missionary walks up to us - from Hong Kong, China, of all places - and starts talking to us. After talking with Kathleen about some stuff, she turns to me, and, in a not quite logical change of subject, she asks, "So, have you ever thought about serving a mission?" I was taken aback. I responded, "Well, yeah. Ever since I was really little, I've always wanted to go. But since coming to college, I've wondered if maybe serving a mission isn't right for me." And then the conversation moved on. But, before she walked away, she turned towards me and said, "Be sure you think about a mission today in conference." And...and hour or two later, sitting in the tabernacle, (Not the conference center. I know. Sad.) I hear President Monson announce the lowering of the age requirements to 19 for girls.

My mind was reeling. I don't think I've ever had so many thoughts at once; I don't think my brain has ever thought so quickly in my life. Within like 2 minutes, I had figured out what I might have to give up to go, my possible options, the things I would need to do, the money I would have to spend, pretty much everything. And then for the entire session, I was thinking, "What the crap?! I can go on a mission. Am I supposed to go on a mission? It doesn't make sense logically. Holy crap I can go on a mission!! I think I want to. Am I supposed to? My mom is going to freak. Oh my crap, oh my crap, oh my crap!! Am I supposed to go? What does Heavenly Father want me to do. I'M SO CONFUSED!!"

And that pretty much was what on my mind for a few days. I thought I got my answer on Monday, but then I started over-analyzing everything and I freaked. But, then Tuesday, I took the time to sit down, calm myself, and read the Father's blessing that was given to me at the beginning of the semester and my Patriarchal Blessing. And then...I picked up my phone and set up an appointment with the Bishop for that night and then Skyped with my mother. You guys...I'm going on a mission!!

I know there's a bajillion of people going. There are tons of people who have made this same exact statement. That's part of the reason why I've kinda been keeping this quiet. Because I didn't want it to seem like I was jumping on the bandwagon; I didn't want people to disregard what a special revelation this was to me; I didn't want my announcement to take away the sacredness and specialness of others' announcement. This process of trying to discover what the Lord wants me to do has been an incredible one. I grew so close to Heavenly Father, because I was striving so hard to align my will with His. And it's still a process. There's still a lot I need to figure out, there's still a lot I need to go to Him about. And, He keeps sending me reminders that this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

This week, I had kinda been losing that...that fire. I got distracted once again. But then, Sis. Wise, called me and I talked with her for a little while about mission stuff. And, it couldn't have been more timely. Because I have that fire again - that excitement, that drive, that intense desire.

It's really hard to focus on school; I just want to focus on preparing to serve. And, I honestly have no clue when I'm going to be able to go; I kinda have like...no money. So, what I'm doing is not doing school next semester and working full time. In truth, that was a really hard choice to make, but once the spirit was like, "Beth, this is the best option for you," I dropped all plans I had concerning classes for next semester. I still plan on staying in Flagstaff. I feel like I need to stay here to do the growing that I need to do.

So yeah. That's my secret. I want to go so bad that it hurts. I don't want to wait. But, at the same time, I'm freaked about going. I'm willing to dedicate those 18 months to the Lord - I can't wait to show that devotion to Him! - but it's going to be so different and so hard. So, so, so hard. But, I'm going.

If you happen to talk to me about it, and I don't seem too enthusiastic to talk about it, don't get offended. It's just, this is very special stuff to me; sometimes I just don't want to talk about it.

But, you know what the best part of all this is? Preparing to be able to go here:

The temple is the place to be. And I. Can't. Wait. To. Go. No words. No words to express how incredibly excited I am to know that I will be able to participate in sacred ordinances that I thought I would have to wait...years to participate in. You guys. I'm going to be going to the temple!! With in a year! AAHHHHH!! 

The church is true. I know it is. I'm willing to put everything on hold for 2 years so I can earn the money to go, and then go. And, there is one thing that I hold more dear than my knowledge that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true, and that is my knowledge of the Savior. One day, relatively soon, I will be able to devote every waking hour to preaching of Christ and bringing others closer to Him. That is the greatest thing ever, because He is the Light. The Way. The only to true and everlasting happiness. 

So. That's it. I am preparing to serve a full time mission, to serve my Heavenly Father, bringing His children, my brothers and sisters into His fold. And I can't wait!!

The Randomness of Beth

Sometimes I feel like doing a blogpost. And sometimes I have nothing to do a blogpost about, so I just decide to spout randomness that's in my head.

Pizza. I. Love. Pizza. Seriously, I want to eat it all the time. And now, it's like this thing with the sister missionaries up here. When there's a transfer and new one comes, she already knows I have this great love for pizza. It's been passed on to sister missionary to sister missionary for the past 6 months. Kinda weird, actually.

I have this thing with names. If I know a super awesome person, I tend to start liking their name a lot (which, I think it pretty normal) but then if there's different spellings, in my mind, I start playing favorites with the names. Not with the actually people. Just their names. Like Sarah and Sara. For whatever reason, I love the name Sarah with the "h" but without it...it bothers me! I can't tell you why, but I just think all Sarah's should have an "h" at the end of their name. And, my dislike for the why the name is spelled has nothing to do with how I feel about the person. Which, if you are aware of my obsession with Sara Barielles, you would understand this. Because, obviously, I have no problem with her, despite the fact that she is missing an "h." Same thing with Hannah and Hanna. Except, for whatever reason, I like Hanna better, without the "h." If I name one of my daughters Hanna, it will not have an "h." Same with Ann and Anne. Ann without the "e" is better (though I guess I may think that because that's how my middle name is spelled). Random Beth fact.

Psychology is freaking awesome. I'm enjoying my Neuroscience class, even though it's online. My online criminology class? Makes me want to punch things. I thought criminology was going to be awesome. Now whenever I think about doing my criminology assignments I cry a little bit on the inside. But psychology. Psychology is fantastic. There are very few things I would give up, stop, or pause my education in psychology for. In fact...I can only think of two things.

Ever since Saturday morning, when President Monson dropped that bombshell that girls can go on missions at age 19, I've been wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do with my life. As I've striven to align my will with God's and to figure out His plan for me and what He needs me to do, I have felt myself grow closer to Him. My relationship with Him has grown so much stronger than it ever has before. The spirit has been more present in my life than it has for a very long time, and it feels good to be doing what He wants me to do.

Flagstaff. I love this place. So much. The weather. The scenery. The people - especially the people! The people I'm surrounded by are a constant reminder of Heavenly Father's love for me, because they help me and strengthen me so much. They uplift me and bring me closer to Heavenly Father. They make me smile and laugh, which is pretty much always needed in life. Plus it's like the best stress reliever in the world. They remind me of the things I need to be doing. They help to gently - and sometimes not so gently. I need harshness and bluntness sometimes -  mold me into the person I am supposed to become.

The Gosepl of Jesus Christ. His restored church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Truthfully...I love nothing more on this Earth than His Gospel and His church. Not pizza, not the color purple, not psychology, not Sara Barielles, not Flagstaff, not even my fantastic friends and family. I would give everything, everything up for this Gospel, if it was asked of me. It's something that I normally would hesitate to say, except, a little over a week ago, I contemplated the possibility of having to leave everything behind in order to serve the Lord and spead His message of love to my brothers and sisters around the world. And, I would do it. Whether or not I actually go, I am willing. I would do it, because I love Jesus Christ. I love Him, so very much. There are no words that can describe and express the love I have for Him. I know this Gospel is true. I know it, I feel it in my very...my very being, my very soul. Every particle of my body, my heart, my mind, my spirit, it yells out, that this church is true! Sometimes I get distracted. Sometimes I let other things become momentarily more important, like my friends and my social life, my education, my music. But, right now, when I'm so close to the spirit, I cannot deny it, and I cannot put anything else first.

Well...this turned out to be completely different than I had planned. But, really. I just want to talk about the Gospel all the time. I want to just tell people about Jesus Christ and all He has done for me and how much I love Him, and how much He loves them. I've turned into this big Gospel nerd. I mean, I already was one, but that's because I'm simply a nerd, but now that's like all I want to talk about and I want to relate everything to the Gospel. Because it's awesome.

So, yeah. Life is awesome. As is the Gospel. I love my friends and my family. They are a wonderful support to me, and I appreciate all the love and support I can feel them giving me. The end.

The big freak-out of October 2012

The first session of General Conference this weekend threw everyone for a loop. Why? The mission age requirement has been dropped. For the young men: age 18, as long as they are graduated from high school/the equivilent. AND for the young women: 19. 19 years of age. Dropped down two years. Every single girl in the church, particularly the 18, 19, and 20 year olds reconsidered their life plans, even if it was just for a moment. And then practically every 19 year old said enthusiastically, "I'm going on a mission RIGHT NOW!!!"

This has caused me to do a lot of thinking. And I want to share some of my feelings pertaining to this. This lowering of the age limit is fantastic. I know it is approved by God. I'm excited for those young men who are now able to go on a mission right after high school, instead of waiting a year - if that is what they desire. I'm excited for the young women who are able to go serve the Lord and teach what they love a whole 2 years before they would have been able to, just 3 short days ago.

Now, this doesn't mean that every single boy at 18 years of age needs to - or should - go on a mission. They can wait until age 19, or even later! And, this doesn't mean that every girl needs to - or should -  go at 19. They can go at 20, 21, after they finish college, at 25, or they don't even have to go! It's not a duty of a young woman to go! We have other responsibilities that may take priority, depending on each person's situation. But, it is important that the young men, at age 18, and the young women, at age 19, should prayerfully consider if going on a mission at that time is right for them. Why? Because the opportunity is there for them, and although it may not be our responsiblity at that time to go, it is still our responsibility to ask. And, it is our responsibility to be willing to do whatever the Lord asks of us. Are you willing to give up everything if He asks you to go? Scholarships, opportunities, jobs, forking out that kind of money. Are you willing?

Why the lowering of the ages? Well...signs of the times! The quickening of the Lord's work! He needs more missionaries. He needs more people devoting their time to sharing the Gospel. It's a huge work - like a stone moving forth out of the mountains. It can't be stopped! And we have to keep up with it! And, I think that we, as a church, are going to need the experience of many more missionaries in families and in wards, to strengthen testimonies. The times ahead are going to be difficult ones, but we have the Light and the Truth.

This is a fantastic opportunity, and I'm excited to see what happens in the world. Great and marvelous things are about to happen. I can feel it in my very soul! And, if you haven't watched the press conference about this, I would recommend you look it up. I would post it on here, but I'm too lazy for that...