Live like you're dying

On Friday, while I was on my way down to Mesa, this song came on. (My sister has several CD mixes that we listen to while we're on our way down. This is on one of my two favorite mixes.) This song always makes me stop and think. And this time, it struck me more than it usually does.

Throughout the song the phrase, "We gotta live like we're dying" is repeated. Well, what does that mean? In the song, it talks about love - what you do with it, how you express it. Live like you're dying. So...love like you're dying? I think part of the reason why it struck me so strong this time, was because I had been kinda a brat last week. I'm always sarcastic, but the things I had been saying weren't quite as...light-hearted as they usually were. And I hadn't been thinking very nice things about a few people. I hadn't been expressing my love for others.

Live like you're dying. how do you express and show your love for others? It's something I've always been really bad at. I always use the excuse that I'm really bad at expressing my feelings - especially when they're strong feelings. But that's a pansy way out. Because if I love as much as I say I do, then it doesn't matter if it's hard, I'll make that effort.

Right when I came to the conclusion that I needed to love more, I picked up my phone and texted one of my friends, telling her that I love her. I don't know how many of you know what I big deal saying "I love you" is for me. Even if I've said it to you dozens of times before, if I say it to you - if I even just put it in writing - it means a lot. It's not a phrase that I used a lot after I was like 4 years old. In fact, it's only been like...4 years since I've actually started saying it again. I need to say it more, because there's many people I do love, and they should know it. And I should say it more to the people I do tell.

I also need to work on showing my love. Friday night and Saturday afternoon, I offered to help with my sister's baby shower. Friday night, I should have gone to bed much earlier than I did. Saturday, I was running on 4 hours of sleep - and had played racquetball that morning, so I was even more tired - and Beth get's cranky and cranky when she doesn't sleep. But, I did everything I was asked to do. This was time that I could have spent with friends that I never get to see - which would have been time well spent. But, instead, I chose to spend time with my family, helping them out. And I did it because I wanted to show my love for my family.

Live like you're dying. What do YOU do? I know I can do a whole lot more.
"You never know a good thing till it's gone.
You never see a crash till it's head on.
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong?
You never know a good thing till it's gone."
Don't miss your chance to let people know that you love them. Don't let people leave your life without knowing just how much you care for them. Don't waste an opportunity of telling people just how important they are. Don't let a moment waste. Tell people that you love them - and mean it!





Randomness: This song. I wish this was how the world thought. "It's not about the money. We don't need your money. We just want to make the world dance, forget about the price tag....we're paying in love tonight." Seriously. Why does the world revolve around money. Also. This girl. I have no clue how I feel about her. I don't know if I should love her or think she's annoying. I would have shown the original, but Jessie J's outfits kinda made me want to barf. And the video was just weird. The end.

Conclusions

I have said good bye, once again, to someone I have come to love dearly. It made me do some thinking. And I have come to a few conclusions - and some are re-conclusions. You know, concluding something you have already concluded because you remembered why you came to that conclusion in the first place.

Conclusion #1: Seeing people go is harder than being the person to go. Last year, it was hard to leave, but I knew I was going where I was supposed to go, and that this was MY choice. But, seeing others go - even when I know it's what they're supposed to be doing - is SO much harder. Because it has nothing to do with my choice and my decision. Also, the fact that where they're supposed to be is not where I'm supposed to be just makes me sad, and also makes me wonder why Heavenly Father puts people in my path to because such an important part of my life when He soon needs them in a different place. Seeing Christine go yesterday was hard. Let me tell you, I'm going to miss that girl so much. But, I was determined to be happy that she was happy that she was going back home. So, I WAS - am - happy that she's happy. It just doesn't make me any happier to have seen her go. And then today, I said goodbye to Kathleen. I didn't have anything to do this morning before work so I was just kinda sitting there dinking around, watching her pack all of her stuff up. I think that made it worse. And the fact that when I left for work, I was leaving before she was leaving somehow made it harder inside my head. Yeah...I didn't cry when Christine left. Totally cried when I said goodbye to Kathleen. Lame.

Conclusion #2: Missing people is good. Being missed is good. Why? Because it means that you have built strong relationships. It means you have loved and that you have been loved. If you miss someone, then it means that they have impacted your life. They meant something to you and obviously did something good for your life. If you're missed, then that means that you did something for others, that you impacted lives and made a difference. It can be sad and it can be painful, but those feelings of missing others simply means that you love. And so, you should never regret those feelings because you should never regret love.

Conclusion #3: I. Love. Letters. And I'm excited to actually have time to write them. In fact, after I finish this blogpost, that is exactly what I'm going to do. And I hope people are good at writing back. Because, seriously. Getting letters in the mail is the BEST. Every time I get one I do a little happy dance. I sometimes give a little scream from excitement. (Beth doesn't scream.)

Conclusion #4: I love Flagstaff. I love the weather. I love the cool breezes, the pretty scenery. I love needing to wear a light jacket in the middle of the summer, compared to wanting to rip all of my clothes off because I feel like I'm dying from the heat, like how I often feel in Mesa during the summer. And, above all, I love the people here. Even when many are leaving, there are still several who are remaining. Flagstaff has the best quality of people. I love it here in Flag. If I didn't, you would find me back in Mesa, mooching off my parents, not paying rent, not buying food, going to ASU, and just hanging out with old friends. Truthfully...that actually doesn't appeal to me. I mean, yeah, hanging out with old friends would be AWESOME. And not paying bills, fantastic! But, where's the growth, the learning, the stretching, the becoming a better person? It would be much harder for me to do that in that sort of environment. Some people can, Beth can't. When Beth is around familiar and comfortable, she makes no effort to change and to grow. Hm...maybe that's why Heavenly Father puts people in my path only to have them move away afterwards. He's doing it so I'll stretch myself. I'll make new friends, but then I'll also make the effort to stay in contact with the old friends. (Beth has a hard time with that.) He's seeing what I'm willing to do for my love for people and with my love for people. He's seeing if He can trust me with these fantastic people, so that they don't waste their time being with me. (That was conclusion #5. That I may have JUST come to the conclusion of.)

So. Yes. This is why I like to just think sometimes. And then write what I think - because writing clarifies things and sometimes brings more things into focus. The end.

It's the end.

About a year ago, I started preparing for graduation. I started packing up my things (psh. actually, I starting THINKING about packing up my things. I only started packing about two days before I left. Professional procrastinator, right here.)  And, I started reflecting. Reflecting on the past year. I started thinking about the friendships I had made and the impact my friends made on my life. I did a lot of growing up my senior year of high school, and my friends helped me with that. So, as I was thinking about all that, this poem came into being - it was mostly about Chamber.

Future
 

I’m leaving to catch my future

But where does that leave you?

Is there a place in my future

For you too?

I’m switching homes,

I’m switching schools,

I’m switching cities,

But where does that leave you?

How does one switch a friend?

A memory?

A song?!

You just cannot replace those things –

No switching allowed at all!

I remember the days

When I was most down,

Hard on myself,

Overwhelmed, stressed

No smile on my face,

Angry, depressed.

Those all went away

When you were around.

I have you to thank

For my sanity now!

I have to go catch my future,

But where does that leave you?

With you I smiled, I laughed,

Got many cases of the giggles,

Was silly, sarcastic,

Even cried a bit too.

You have helped me so much

And I hope I’ve helped you.

My future’s catching up to me –

Oh what am I to do?

When my future’s here,

And you are not,

What is one to do?

When I am there,

And you are not –

Where does that leave you?

Without me here

Without you there

And no help in between?

Who knows when

I will see you next?

Oh what am I to do?

My future’s nearly here, you see,

The next step of my life.

And with me gone

And with you not

How different life will be!

Without you there

‘Most everyday

To sing and laugh with me.

Still, life goes on

One surely knows.

But where does that leave you?

No longer in my life –

Or will our friendship carry on?

My future’s here

And you are not –

And yet, it seems you are.

And it’s true!

For you’re forever in my heart.

They say the ones

That you love most
Will never really leave you.
I didn’t truly understand
Until my future
Caught up with me.


I have taken my last final as a freshman in college. It's kinda an awesome feeling. but, at first, it was being over-shadowed by something else. Dread, almost. You see, it has come to my attention that several people are leaving Flagstaff, and not only for the summer. Some of these people I have grown particularly fond of.  Some of these people have been a huge source of strength and joy this first year away from home. But that dread has been replaced with something else. Something almost like...resolve. Looking on what I was experiencing a year ago, it's kind of similar. Except, I'm not the one leaving. It's their future that is causing our paths to separate. I thought I was going to be done with this once I moved up here. I don't do well with change. I get attached to people. Sure, go ahead and change circumstances and situations, and I'll figure it out. But change the people around me, the people who have been my rocks? I turn into a mess. But...now I've remembered that it's not so bad. It will suck not seeing these awesome people constantly, but I will always have a relationship with them. And...yeah. Moving on with life. I'm excited for this summer, and for next semester. Who knows who the Lord will place into my path, next.


Also, I need to learn to, one, take pictures, and two, not run away from cameras. Seriously. I always regret not having pictures when times like these happen. Lame, Beth, lame. 


But this is prolly my favorite one taken this year.....the end.
 

 

Random musings

Life has been...interesting. That's prolly the best word for it. I keep meaning to do a blog post, but then I lose inspiration for it. Which is sad. Because blogging = writing, so no inspiration for writing is kinda a depressing thought. So, yeah. Now I'm just going to share randomness.

Racquetball. I need to play it more often. It brings me...I don't know if joy is the right word, but it's pretty much the only form of exercise I get. It's incredibly fun. If I'm having a bad day, it's a fabulous way to get it all out. Because, one, it physically exhausts me (instead of mentally and emotionally, like my days do) while shooting endorphins through me, so it's not a cranky tired. Two, I play with my friends, so there's usually laughter, and if I play with Christine, then there's even MORE laughter and slightly crazy antics.

Boys. I just...yeah. That's all I have to say about that.You can interpret it how you wish.

Spanish. I have a love-hate relationship with it. It stresses me out SO much! My grade in that class is so iffy. Half the time I don't understand what's going on, and the other half of the time the person who sits next to me doesn't pay attention, which, since I have Spanish at 8:00 in the morning, ticks me off slightly more than it probably should. I'm attempting at speaking in Spanish more...but lets face it. If it's not about food, it's kinda difficult. But, Friday, I totally used the subjunctive when I was practicing with someone I work with. First time I have ever used the subjunctive outside of class. I felt awesome. Also, I like to complain to Christine how much I hate Spanish (even though I don't actually hate it. That much.) because she has this weird obsession and love for it, so her reaction often makes me smile. Shhh...don't tell her...


Heavenly Father is a pretty incredibly guy. Did you know He, quite literally, created our brain so that living the Gospel will make us happy? There's been resent studies that show that things like service, gratitude, and other small things like that, help reinforce a certain way of thinking - a positive way of thinking - in a very natural way. And that certain way of thinking is more positive, is happier. It's so brilliant!

Sometimes, I don't understand some of the things Heavenly Father is trying to teach me. I had an experience last Sunday that really frustrated me, because I felt He was trying to tell me something, but I just wasn't getting it. But, I've also had a recent experience in which I caught a glimpse of His reasoning for certain things I'm experiencing. He's got a plan, and He's preparing me.

Pity. I have this awful habit of, when I'm feeling discouraged or down on myself, I start to pity myself. And it doesn't get me anywhere, because I get so wrapped up in, "My life is so awful, my life is so hard, why did this happen to me," and some thing else about me, myself, and I. And then I suck other people into it, trying to get them to pity me, complaining to them. I get stuck in the pity pit. It's a pit I get stuck in a lot.

I love psychology. And, I know that this is what I'm supposed to be studying. There was a fireside last Sunday, and there was a slideshow shown of a whole bunch of pictures. Many of the pictures were of downtrodden, hopeless, distressed, sad people. And I just had the very strong feeling and impressing that THIS is why I'm doing what I'm doing. So I can help people like this be happy, to have joy - and to find it in the Gospel and in Christ. This is why I'm here in Flagstaff, going to NAU. Because Heavenly Father sees that, somehow, this is the best place for me to learn to do just that - and learn many other things.

It's been 10 months and 9 days since I've moved up to Flagstaff. It's been an...eventful 10 months. And I wouldn't trade them for the world. So much growing has happened. Sometimes I start thinking about how I'm in college, living on my own, depending on myself for financial stuff, and stuff like that, and I freak myself out a bit. I don't think I will ever feel old enough for where I am in life. I remember last year, as a senior in high school and I would have random moments of feeling weird that I was old enough to be in high school. But...that's life.

I have a phone date with Lanelle on Tuesday. I'm excited. I lurve that girly with all my heart!

So...random musings are over. Life is fantastic, for the most part. Full of stress, but that's nothing new. Full of wonderful friends who love me and support me. Full of blessings from Heavenly Father. Just fantastic.

My friend.

Today is Easter Sunday. One of my favorite Sundays. I try to center my life on Christ. I try to live like Him every day. But, I am not perfect. And often times I fail. Quite epically. And get discouraged and frustrated with myself. But, then Easter comes around, and I'm given new energy. Because I'm reminded that what Christ did was to give us more than one chance. It was to give us the opportunity to change. And, unfortunately, change is a very long, difficult, and often painful process. But, with Christ, it may be long, but not as long as it would be without Him; difficult, but it's much easier with His help; painful, but He is the Balm of Gilead that can soothe any pain we feel. Easter time, I feel renewed. Invigorated. And each Easter, I start to remember Christ even more than the year before. And by remembering, it's easier to do - to act more like He would.

This Friday, I took a day-trip (more like half a day-trip) down to Mesa in order to watch the Easter Pageant. Man. I love it. Each time I watch it, I'm filled with the Spirit. I'm filled with a great joy and hope and peace. There a few scenes I want to mention.

One is a scene that I always look forward too. It's pretty much my favorite scene ever. Christ is with the little children. Blessing them, healing them, being with them. And there's this little boy with a crutch. He doesn't walk very well, or very quickly. In fact, it's almost painful to watch. He slowly makes his way to Christ, but there's other children in the way, and it seems that Christ doesn't notice him. But, then Christ looks and him and beckons to him. As the boy makes his way towards Christ in his very slow, painful manner, he drops his crutch halfway through, and then runs into Christ's arms. It's always a very powerful moment for me. And I had a thought Friday as I watched it - I've possibly had the thought before, but I don't remember because I didn't write it down. Sometimes this life is hard, discouraging. Our progress is slow and is almost painful. But, then Christ is there, beckoning to us. As we keep Him in sight, and we focus on Him and try to answer His beckon, we can throw down whatever crutch we may have and sprint into His arms. The pain will be healed.

Another scene is, again, with the little children. Christ is with them. And then they sing a song. In it, they repeat the words, "My Savior, my Redeemer, my Friend." I often mention how Christ is my best friend ever because of what He did for me. But, to hear it from the mouths of children, and it became even more powerful to me. Christ took the time to be with the little children. To play with them, to talk with them, to teach them. I wonder how the apostles and disciples saw Him. Because He spent so much time with them, teaching. But did they see Him in the simplicity that the little children saw Him. I'm sure He talked about more than the Gospel with the adults. I'm sure He did things with them more than just teach. He was their friend. He gave comfort. He made them smile and laugh. Everything our friends do for us.

Christ is our friend. We only have to see Him like it. Think about it. He's given us so much. He gives us comfort. He lifts us up. I think of my close friends. Katie Alston. Bradley. McKenna. Christine. Lanelle. Why do I love them so much and cling to their friendship? They make me laugh. They bring me joy when I'm in the dark. They serve me, they comfort me, they love me. And, I see Christ in them, in their love and their actions. If I see Christ in them, then wouldn't He do many of the things that they do in our friendship that I treasure? In fact, I know He sent me those people to me, to help me. So they could be my friends and act as He would.

It is Easter. A day to remember. To remember how the greatest man who ever walked the earth lived his life. He lived for us. He suffered for us. He died for us. But, now, he lives for us. He is our hope. He has given us a way to repent. A way to change. A way to return back to Him and Heavenly Father.

I cannot wait for the day when I am in His presence again. Hopefully I will be worthy and have lived my life in a way that He will be proud of.

I feel I will greet Him in a similar manner as this man. I will want to do nothing else but to wrap my arms around Him. He, who suffered and died for me. He who understands everything I go through because He went through them Himself. He, who is my Savior. My Redeemer. My friend.

Kindness Blog

So, my sister Amy is doing a blog as an assignment for one of her classes. Within this blog, she is writing about kindness - the kind things she see people do, and the things she thinks people could do to be a little bit kinder. I have taken this to heart (most of the time) and have tried to also seek for and notice the kind gestures others do, and also try to be a bit kinder each day. And, my eyes have been opened. But, I did a guest post on her blog. So, you should check her blog out! See the post I did, and also everything else she's written. Follow her and stuff! This is important. Think about it. The world has so much...destruction, cruelty, just evil, dark badness everywhere. If we don't seek the light, the kindness and the love, then this life is pretty depressing and discouraging. But, if we take the time to notice the good out there and to be kind ourselves, there truly can be a huge impact on our lives. So...go do good! Brighten someone's day! And ready Amy's blog. :_

http://kindnessnow.blogspot.com/

I stole this from Amy's blog. And I think it's awesome that it's a penguin hugging the world. 

The greatness of life

So. I've been sorely neglecting my blog. Because one, I've been kinda busy. And two, I've been really enjoying life. When I'm not busy, I'm having a blast. I have reached that point (for the time being, at least) where I'm that crazy person that says, "I'm so grateful for my trials!" Really. I am. Because I have learned and grown so much - am learning and growing so much! There must be opposition in all things. You must have the hard times to appreciate the good, and you must know the dark to know the light. And, you can get to the point where you CAN'T be in the dark, because even in the midst of trials, you recognize the tender mercies of God. And it's important to remember where you've been - whether it's the light or dark you're remembering.

Anyways. Life is fantastic. It's by no means perfect, but that doesn't matter! Because the Lord provides a way for happiness, for trials to be gotten through, for burdens to be made light. As long as you do your part and turn to Him, He will provide a way. Lately, I've been really confused about some things. And, as one is supposed to, I turned to the Lord. But...it didn't seem to be helping. In fact, I felt even more confused than before, because I felt He was giving me multiple answers - that were opposite of each other! So, after awhile of trying to figure it out through prayer, scripture study, and musings in my journal, I felt it was time to turn to a friend for help. Mostly just to discuss what's been going on in my head. So I did. And, let me tell you, I feel SO much less confused! I mean, not everything is cleared up. But, it's a lot better.

Last weekend, I went down to Mesa. (Random change of subject sorry. I couldn't think of a real good transition...) It was pretty much an awesome weekend, cram-packed with family and friends. People I had been missing SO much. I saw all of my siblings but two. I played with my nephews. I went to the temple. I talked with some friends about life. I ate a concrete from Nielsen's (Mint oreo. It was fabulous. Except it needed more green. It was kind of disappointing at how not green it was.) Got a bajillion of movies from my parents because they decided to give away all but, like, twenty of theirs.

And then this week, back in Flag. It's been interesting. I played some racquetball, which pretty much always makes me happy. I actually worked hard in my classes (which, truly, is incredible. I actually studied for a test. I better have gotten a good grade on it...). I've been pondering...a lot. Pretty much whenever I wasn't doing something important, I would start pondering on things. I think that's why I was so tired this week! I was using WAY to much brain energy. I've discovered some things about myself. I've started making some (more) changes in my life. I have become very comfortable with who I am. And, more than anything, I feel closer to my Heavenly Father than I have in a really long time. Maybe closer than I ever have. I know moments like this often pass quickly, because we are imperfect and rarely continue progressing constantly. There's usually a great amount of regression that happens also. But...I don't want that to happen this time. I want to stay feeling this good, stay feeling this happy. I want to continue to recognize all that Heavenly Father blesses me with. I want to continue to feel fortunate for...well, for my life.

To end this kinda random and all over post, I want to repeat something I've repeated so many times on this blog. I have the best friends. I'm so grateful for them. For the time they take to talk to me, to make me smile, to comfort me, to listen to me, to put up with me when I'm being obnoxious. And, I'm grateful that my best friends are my Father in Heaven and my Elder Brother. And that, in the eyes of my friends here on earth, I can see Their presence. It's what draws me to them, and what causes me to look up to them, to try to be like them.

Please, take the time to thank Heavenly Father for what you have, for what He's given you. I think you'll be amazed at how much it is. Also, take the time to let people know that you love them. Show them. Share the love! Love makes the world go round. It's what moves Heavenly Father to bless you and bless me.