3 Months

Three months ago, today, I made the decision to go on a mission. It was a tough choice to make. I mean, I really, really wanted to go...but it didn't make sense. It didn't fit into my plan. But, after praying and studying, I came to the conclusion that Heavenly Father not only wanted me to go, but needed me to go. So, I immediately set up an appointment with Bishop and talked to him about it. He said that after the winter break, I could start my papers. And, it all began.

The past three months have been incredibly bumpy. I've had hard choices to make - all but one making absolutely no logical sense, but I made them nonetheless because it was what the spirit was telling me to do. I've had plenty of breakdowns and emotional meltdowns, and doubts, and confusion, and problems, and trials. But, the one thing that has kept me grounded and firm is how strong a confirmation that I got about going on a mission. True, it would be a lot easier to just give up and not go. But, I cannot do that. Constantly, throughout these past three months, the spirit has whispered to me, "Beth, you are meant to go on a mission. This is for you. Keep pushing forward." I have striven to keep counsel with the spirit. Many of the things it has told me to do doesn't make sense. And that is REALLY hard for me to accept. I tend to have to have things planned out, it has to all make sense, otherwise it's not worth my time. Heavenly Father has SO much to teach me; He needs me to learn to simply trust in Him, have faith that, as long as I'm doing what He has asked me to do, He will provide a way for me to do what it is I need to do. After all, as Nephi stated, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

I'm so grateful for these experiences that I have had. There is so much learning to be done, so much progress to be made. Heavenly Father is simply preparing me to be the best missionary I can be. I have been incredibly blessed by the people who are in my life. Friends and family who support me. Sister missionaries who know exactly what it is like to be me right now, who give the most perfect advice, say the most perfect words, give the most perfect comfort, and bring me closer to my Savior. Every time I have a problem or a doubt, they're like, "Beth, what's going on?" And then they not only give advice and comfort, they have me turn to the scriptures. They use the Lord's words to help me, allowing the spirit to testify to me, making my resolve stronger and my knowledge surer.

Three months ago I was wondering if I should do a study abroad. Three months ago, my biggest worry was finding time for a social life. Three months ago, I thought I knew what I was supposed to do with my life. Three months later, my life plan has been put on hold for about 2 years. Three months later, I'm a much different person, with different worries and different cares -someone even said I was friendlier than I was before!

It's been an incredible three months. I can't wait to see where I will be 3 months from now! (Hopefully, I'll be in the MTC! But...we'll see...)