So. One semester down of my senior year and one to go. Basically, I'm freaking out. I'm already better off than a lot of seniors - I've been accepted to the the one college I applied to, and the one college I actually wanted to go to. I have an apartment already. Well, a tentative apartment, but it's 99% certain. Plus, I have a sister and brother-in-law up there in Flagstaff who might possibly be able to set me up with a job. I have money in my savings account - not a whole lot, but a good amount. Despite all this, I'm panicking. I'm making lists in my head of things I'll need to start doing: my own laundry. My own shopping. Cooking my own meals. As much as I love mac and cheese and ramen, I can't handle eating just that for four years. I get sick of both in just a few weeks. Since I don't have a car - and won't have a car - I'll be walking everywhere. I'll need to start paying my own bills. Start doing taxes!! Every time I think the list is done, I think of something else, and start panicking again. I can't handle it!
And then, the thought of actually graduating and actually leaving Mesa makes me want to cry. Literally. I won't be leaving just my younger friends, like going from junior high to high school, but I'll be leaving just about everybody else too. The only family I'll see often is my sister and brother-in-law. Though I am grateful for them being up there, I'll miss everyone else. Once again, panic attack. I tend to avoid thinking about it and not let anyone talk about it in front of me.
But, then, I think of how so much has fallen in place for me. Like getting accepted, and finding a place to live, literally five minutes after I found out I had been accepted. Like having family up there, and already a few friends. Having money in my savings account. And I calm a little. It feels so right. I feel like that's where I'm supposed to go. Why else would it be so easy for me? I don't even have to pay for my tuition! I'm so lucky compared to many out there! I'm grateful for that. But, I'm still freaking out on the inside.
That's my little rant. And my little freak out. That kinda happens at least once a week. I think my brain might explode from the stress I'm producing from nothing.
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1 comment:
you'll do great, beth! i'll show you how to cook some quick things when we come down. and honestly, mac n cheese and ramen isn't so bad for the first year at least. burritos and quesadillas are great, too :) and everything else will just come with practice. really. btw, walking isnt so bad :) the first couple times will make you SORE because there's less oxygen and a bunch of hills, but you adjust surprisingly fast.
just remember that even if it's hard, it will still be ok :) and yes, me and stephen are here and will be for at least a whole year after you get up here. <3
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