Live like you're dying

On Friday, while I was on my way down to Mesa, this song came on. (My sister has several CD mixes that we listen to while we're on our way down. This is on one of my two favorite mixes.) This song always makes me stop and think. And this time, it struck me more than it usually does.

Throughout the song the phrase, "We gotta live like we're dying" is repeated. Well, what does that mean? In the song, it talks about love - what you do with it, how you express it. Live like you're dying. So...love like you're dying? I think part of the reason why it struck me so strong this time, was because I had been kinda a brat last week. I'm always sarcastic, but the things I had been saying weren't quite as...light-hearted as they usually were. And I hadn't been thinking very nice things about a few people. I hadn't been expressing my love for others.

Live like you're dying. how do you express and show your love for others? It's something I've always been really bad at. I always use the excuse that I'm really bad at expressing my feelings - especially when they're strong feelings. But that's a pansy way out. Because if I love as much as I say I do, then it doesn't matter if it's hard, I'll make that effort.

Right when I came to the conclusion that I needed to love more, I picked up my phone and texted one of my friends, telling her that I love her. I don't know how many of you know what I big deal saying "I love you" is for me. Even if I've said it to you dozens of times before, if I say it to you - if I even just put it in writing - it means a lot. It's not a phrase that I used a lot after I was like 4 years old. In fact, it's only been like...4 years since I've actually started saying it again. I need to say it more, because there's many people I do love, and they should know it. And I should say it more to the people I do tell.

I also need to work on showing my love. Friday night and Saturday afternoon, I offered to help with my sister's baby shower. Friday night, I should have gone to bed much earlier than I did. Saturday, I was running on 4 hours of sleep - and had played racquetball that morning, so I was even more tired - and Beth get's cranky and cranky when she doesn't sleep. But, I did everything I was asked to do. This was time that I could have spent with friends that I never get to see - which would have been time well spent. But, instead, I chose to spend time with my family, helping them out. And I did it because I wanted to show my love for my family.

Live like you're dying. What do YOU do? I know I can do a whole lot more.
"You never know a good thing till it's gone.
You never see a crash till it's head on.
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong?
You never know a good thing till it's gone."
Don't miss your chance to let people know that you love them. Don't let people leave your life without knowing just how much you care for them. Don't waste an opportunity of telling people just how important they are. Don't let a moment waste. Tell people that you love them - and mean it!





Randomness: This song. I wish this was how the world thought. "It's not about the money. We don't need your money. We just want to make the world dance, forget about the price tag....we're paying in love tonight." Seriously. Why does the world revolve around money. Also. This girl. I have no clue how I feel about her. I don't know if I should love her or think she's annoying. I would have shown the original, but Jessie J's outfits kinda made me want to barf. And the video was just weird. The end.

Conclusions

I have said good bye, once again, to someone I have come to love dearly. It made me do some thinking. And I have come to a few conclusions - and some are re-conclusions. You know, concluding something you have already concluded because you remembered why you came to that conclusion in the first place.

Conclusion #1: Seeing people go is harder than being the person to go. Last year, it was hard to leave, but I knew I was going where I was supposed to go, and that this was MY choice. But, seeing others go - even when I know it's what they're supposed to be doing - is SO much harder. Because it has nothing to do with my choice and my decision. Also, the fact that where they're supposed to be is not where I'm supposed to be just makes me sad, and also makes me wonder why Heavenly Father puts people in my path to because such an important part of my life when He soon needs them in a different place. Seeing Christine go yesterday was hard. Let me tell you, I'm going to miss that girl so much. But, I was determined to be happy that she was happy that she was going back home. So, I WAS - am - happy that she's happy. It just doesn't make me any happier to have seen her go. And then today, I said goodbye to Kathleen. I didn't have anything to do this morning before work so I was just kinda sitting there dinking around, watching her pack all of her stuff up. I think that made it worse. And the fact that when I left for work, I was leaving before she was leaving somehow made it harder inside my head. Yeah...I didn't cry when Christine left. Totally cried when I said goodbye to Kathleen. Lame.

Conclusion #2: Missing people is good. Being missed is good. Why? Because it means that you have built strong relationships. It means you have loved and that you have been loved. If you miss someone, then it means that they have impacted your life. They meant something to you and obviously did something good for your life. If you're missed, then that means that you did something for others, that you impacted lives and made a difference. It can be sad and it can be painful, but those feelings of missing others simply means that you love. And so, you should never regret those feelings because you should never regret love.

Conclusion #3: I. Love. Letters. And I'm excited to actually have time to write them. In fact, after I finish this blogpost, that is exactly what I'm going to do. And I hope people are good at writing back. Because, seriously. Getting letters in the mail is the BEST. Every time I get one I do a little happy dance. I sometimes give a little scream from excitement. (Beth doesn't scream.)

Conclusion #4: I love Flagstaff. I love the weather. I love the cool breezes, the pretty scenery. I love needing to wear a light jacket in the middle of the summer, compared to wanting to rip all of my clothes off because I feel like I'm dying from the heat, like how I often feel in Mesa during the summer. And, above all, I love the people here. Even when many are leaving, there are still several who are remaining. Flagstaff has the best quality of people. I love it here in Flag. If I didn't, you would find me back in Mesa, mooching off my parents, not paying rent, not buying food, going to ASU, and just hanging out with old friends. Truthfully...that actually doesn't appeal to me. I mean, yeah, hanging out with old friends would be AWESOME. And not paying bills, fantastic! But, where's the growth, the learning, the stretching, the becoming a better person? It would be much harder for me to do that in that sort of environment. Some people can, Beth can't. When Beth is around familiar and comfortable, she makes no effort to change and to grow. Hm...maybe that's why Heavenly Father puts people in my path only to have them move away afterwards. He's doing it so I'll stretch myself. I'll make new friends, but then I'll also make the effort to stay in contact with the old friends. (Beth has a hard time with that.) He's seeing what I'm willing to do for my love for people and with my love for people. He's seeing if He can trust me with these fantastic people, so that they don't waste their time being with me. (That was conclusion #5. That I may have JUST come to the conclusion of.)

So. Yes. This is why I like to just think sometimes. And then write what I think - because writing clarifies things and sometimes brings more things into focus. The end.

It's the end.

About a year ago, I started preparing for graduation. I started packing up my things (psh. actually, I starting THINKING about packing up my things. I only started packing about two days before I left. Professional procrastinator, right here.)  And, I started reflecting. Reflecting on the past year. I started thinking about the friendships I had made and the impact my friends made on my life. I did a lot of growing up my senior year of high school, and my friends helped me with that. So, as I was thinking about all that, this poem came into being - it was mostly about Chamber.

Future
 

I’m leaving to catch my future

But where does that leave you?

Is there a place in my future

For you too?

I’m switching homes,

I’m switching schools,

I’m switching cities,

But where does that leave you?

How does one switch a friend?

A memory?

A song?!

You just cannot replace those things –

No switching allowed at all!

I remember the days

When I was most down,

Hard on myself,

Overwhelmed, stressed

No smile on my face,

Angry, depressed.

Those all went away

When you were around.

I have you to thank

For my sanity now!

I have to go catch my future,

But where does that leave you?

With you I smiled, I laughed,

Got many cases of the giggles,

Was silly, sarcastic,

Even cried a bit too.

You have helped me so much

And I hope I’ve helped you.

My future’s catching up to me –

Oh what am I to do?

When my future’s here,

And you are not,

What is one to do?

When I am there,

And you are not –

Where does that leave you?

Without me here

Without you there

And no help in between?

Who knows when

I will see you next?

Oh what am I to do?

My future’s nearly here, you see,

The next step of my life.

And with me gone

And with you not

How different life will be!

Without you there

‘Most everyday

To sing and laugh with me.

Still, life goes on

One surely knows.

But where does that leave you?

No longer in my life –

Or will our friendship carry on?

My future’s here

And you are not –

And yet, it seems you are.

And it’s true!

For you’re forever in my heart.

They say the ones

That you love most
Will never really leave you.
I didn’t truly understand
Until my future
Caught up with me.


I have taken my last final as a freshman in college. It's kinda an awesome feeling. but, at first, it was being over-shadowed by something else. Dread, almost. You see, it has come to my attention that several people are leaving Flagstaff, and not only for the summer. Some of these people I have grown particularly fond of.  Some of these people have been a huge source of strength and joy this first year away from home. But that dread has been replaced with something else. Something almost like...resolve. Looking on what I was experiencing a year ago, it's kind of similar. Except, I'm not the one leaving. It's their future that is causing our paths to separate. I thought I was going to be done with this once I moved up here. I don't do well with change. I get attached to people. Sure, go ahead and change circumstances and situations, and I'll figure it out. But change the people around me, the people who have been my rocks? I turn into a mess. But...now I've remembered that it's not so bad. It will suck not seeing these awesome people constantly, but I will always have a relationship with them. And...yeah. Moving on with life. I'm excited for this summer, and for next semester. Who knows who the Lord will place into my path, next.


Also, I need to learn to, one, take pictures, and two, not run away from cameras. Seriously. I always regret not having pictures when times like these happen. Lame, Beth, lame. 


But this is prolly my favorite one taken this year.....the end.