Conclusions

I have said good bye, once again, to someone I have come to love dearly. It made me do some thinking. And I have come to a few conclusions - and some are re-conclusions. You know, concluding something you have already concluded because you remembered why you came to that conclusion in the first place.

Conclusion #1: Seeing people go is harder than being the person to go. Last year, it was hard to leave, but I knew I was going where I was supposed to go, and that this was MY choice. But, seeing others go - even when I know it's what they're supposed to be doing - is SO much harder. Because it has nothing to do with my choice and my decision. Also, the fact that where they're supposed to be is not where I'm supposed to be just makes me sad, and also makes me wonder why Heavenly Father puts people in my path to because such an important part of my life when He soon needs them in a different place. Seeing Christine go yesterday was hard. Let me tell you, I'm going to miss that girl so much. But, I was determined to be happy that she was happy that she was going back home. So, I WAS - am - happy that she's happy. It just doesn't make me any happier to have seen her go. And then today, I said goodbye to Kathleen. I didn't have anything to do this morning before work so I was just kinda sitting there dinking around, watching her pack all of her stuff up. I think that made it worse. And the fact that when I left for work, I was leaving before she was leaving somehow made it harder inside my head. Yeah...I didn't cry when Christine left. Totally cried when I said goodbye to Kathleen. Lame.

Conclusion #2: Missing people is good. Being missed is good. Why? Because it means that you have built strong relationships. It means you have loved and that you have been loved. If you miss someone, then it means that they have impacted your life. They meant something to you and obviously did something good for your life. If you're missed, then that means that you did something for others, that you impacted lives and made a difference. It can be sad and it can be painful, but those feelings of missing others simply means that you love. And so, you should never regret those feelings because you should never regret love.

Conclusion #3: I. Love. Letters. And I'm excited to actually have time to write them. In fact, after I finish this blogpost, that is exactly what I'm going to do. And I hope people are good at writing back. Because, seriously. Getting letters in the mail is the BEST. Every time I get one I do a little happy dance. I sometimes give a little scream from excitement. (Beth doesn't scream.)

Conclusion #4: I love Flagstaff. I love the weather. I love the cool breezes, the pretty scenery. I love needing to wear a light jacket in the middle of the summer, compared to wanting to rip all of my clothes off because I feel like I'm dying from the heat, like how I often feel in Mesa during the summer. And, above all, I love the people here. Even when many are leaving, there are still several who are remaining. Flagstaff has the best quality of people. I love it here in Flag. If I didn't, you would find me back in Mesa, mooching off my parents, not paying rent, not buying food, going to ASU, and just hanging out with old friends. Truthfully...that actually doesn't appeal to me. I mean, yeah, hanging out with old friends would be AWESOME. And not paying bills, fantastic! But, where's the growth, the learning, the stretching, the becoming a better person? It would be much harder for me to do that in that sort of environment. Some people can, Beth can't. When Beth is around familiar and comfortable, she makes no effort to change and to grow. Hm...maybe that's why Heavenly Father puts people in my path only to have them move away afterwards. He's doing it so I'll stretch myself. I'll make new friends, but then I'll also make the effort to stay in contact with the old friends. (Beth has a hard time with that.) He's seeing what I'm willing to do for my love for people and with my love for people. He's seeing if He can trust me with these fantastic people, so that they don't waste their time being with me. (That was conclusion #5. That I may have JUST come to the conclusion of.)

So. Yes. This is why I like to just think sometimes. And then write what I think - because writing clarifies things and sometimes brings more things into focus. The end.