Friends

I've done a lot of...feeling the last few hours. So much feeling that I almost lost feeling for a little bit, if that makes sense. I went from an emotional high to apathy. I have...feeling back. It's much more mellow, but more...intense. If that makes sense. It's like...a dull, continuing pain, instead of a sharp, quick one. Except it's not bad.

Rewind. My senior year I learned the importance of having really good friends you can rely on. I had/have a tendency to try to keep things to myself and try to deal with them on my own.

Go forward. Just about two months ago, I moved to Flagstaff. I knew basically three people here. I left those good friends that I had made. It was hard. But, then I made new ones, who are equally as amazing as my Mesa peeps.

Now, the present. Ish. A friend called me tonight. I am super glad this person called me. It's been awhile since we've talked. But, it was a painful talk. This friend told me something that...I am extremely grateful to be told. Simply because it showed the closeness of our friendship. But it was something that hurt me more than it probably should have. Simply because emotions are a hard thing to control. (It wasn't anything awful. It's not like a crime or a major sin or anything, in case you're getting extremely curious. Just something that happened. So stop being curious.) So. I was hurt. But...I discovered something. I wasn't mad in any way. No bitterness. I almost wanted to be bitter. Instead there was only two feelings: love and hurt. It's a funny combination.

I wrote everything in my journal. I had to tell someone even if it wasn't a really person. And writing in my journal is very therapeutic. And I asked myself...why does love hurt?

I texted the question to another friend. Who I then ended up talking on the phone to. Love is an interesting thing. I was going to say funny...but then decided I didn't like that word to describe it. I think hurt is the only thing there's room for with love - the friend I called told me where there's love, God is also there. It got me thinking about Christ. And the Atonement. Throughout the process of the Atonement, Christ felt so much hurt.    Why? Because He loves us. I think that hurt, as long as there's no bitterness or anger, or things like that, is a sign of selflessness. Hurt combined with love. But only in that combination. Anyways. After talking to this friend for half an hour...I felt better. But probably because this was when I started feeling nothing.

Before I called my friend and after  I texted her (you got that?) another friend noticed  that I was upset. (I try to hide things like that. By checking the mail. And things like that.) So she tried to help. But I was being cryptic and so she did really the only thing she could do, and gave me a hug, and just let me know she was there for me. Have I ever mentioned how much I love hugs. I don't generally give them out, but I feel like a hug can be the most comforting thing when I'm upset. I feel like they are one of the best ways to show that you care, without words - because you all know how crappy I am with words, when I'm not writing. Which is also why I don't give them out that often. Because I'm crappy at expressing myself, even without words! And I want them to mean something when I give them.

So.The lessons that I learned this night. 1. It doesn't matter where I am, the Lord will place people in my path that will be able to lift me up. 2. Distance doesn't matter. Friends are friends, and true friends will always be there for you. And 3. Love will often hurt. But it's still worth it. Because if a friendship is destroyed after hurt...it wasn't a very strong friendship to begin with. It wasn't based on love, and therefore wasn't really much of a friendship.

I am so grateful for my friends, both in Mesa and in Flagstaff. And in other places. I have been incredibly blessed by the Lord with the people who have crossed my path - I'm grateful that I've been living my life in a way that had allowed me to cross paths with these people. Sometimes I feel like I don't tell my friends this enough...but I really do love them. I'm an awkward person, so I feel awkward telling them that. Heck, I've only recently started telling family that. It's something that I definitely need to work on, in spite of the awkwardness.

It's good to know that I have friends who will be there for me whenever I need them. And if for some reason they can't be, then Jesus Christ will always, always be there.

What about about your friends? Are they as awesome as mine? It'd be pretty tough.