Who says miracles never happen?

These past few weeks have been...interesting. About three weeks ago, I was having a really hard time. Why, I really don't know. I was just super stressed, having bad days, and just couldn't seem to handle anything - you know those times. For the past few months, the company my daddy had been working for was going through some changes. I won't get into the details, but, let's just say, there were going to be some mechanics let go. I was perfectly confident my dad would keep his job. I said, "Pff" to any thought or any doubt. But, then, during that super hard time, I got home from school. It was kind of a really crappy day. Not even a minute after being home my brother tells me, "Dad lost his job. Friday is his last day at work." My mind was blown. And a crappy day just got worse.

I began stressing out. I began fearing the worst - I can be a pessimist, when it comes to things like this. That first week, I didn't know what to do. I was lucky enough to have awesome friends that kept me from having panic attacks every hour. Then, blessing number one: it turned out my dad would get to work another week.

Gradually, my fears started fading. I worried less - well, about my dad. my worries of school were definitely still there. Then, the next week came around - this last week. It was like my dad not working wasn't a reality for me. It was strange. It just seemed all normal, until I'd get home from school, and my dad was there watching TV or something, instead of being at work. But, I knew everything was going to be ok. Blessing number two. It's not like I didn't know it before, but I was just worried more. I don't really know what happened. I attribute it to the prayers said in behalf of me and my family. I was able to focus less on my dad not having a job, and focus more on school.

Then, Thursday came around. Blessing number three: My dad had an interview. Blessing number four: Friday, my dad had another interview. I come home Friday after school, and BAM. Miracle: My daddy has a job. He starts Monday.

Blessing number five: In fact, with my daddy losing his job, we come out ahead. He gets a severance check, because half the company was being sold, which was why he lost his job. So, we get extra money. We get to pay off stuff. My daddy's pay is less, but he has to drive less, which equals saving money.

No one can tell me that miracles do not happen anymore. Because I have witnessed one. I am so incredibly grateful for what has happened. Things could have been WAY worse. My mom is a teacher, so yes, there'd be money - but then it'd be summer time, and, yes, mom gets a wee bit of money during the summer, but it would get super tough.

Honestly, this past week - the week that my dad actually didn't work - has been the most normal feeling one out of this whole thing. It was like my daddy not having work was no big deal, which seems strange to me, because not that long ago, it felt like the worse thing ever. There was one day this week where someone mentioned their dad being out of town for work, and I just casually said, "My dad lost his job." I didn't really think anything of it, because I was over it. I knew things were going to work out. but then my friend said, "Awkward, Beth. Don't just go around saying that!" Oops. I totally didn't realize it at all. haha

But, I feel so lucky. I don't know why my dad got a job so quick when there are others out there who have been struggling to find one for such a long time. I'm just grateful that the Lord was mindful to us and our needs, and I hope and pray that those who are in tough situations like that never lose faith. The Lord is mindful of them, too.

The Lord is in control. I'm so grateful for that knowledge. I'd be completely lost if I was out here on my own. He knows what's going on and how things should be handled. I think I'll be more careful to keep His plan for my future in mind, more than my own, now. I know He's got my back, that way! :)

Is graduation here yet?

So, I've been saying, "Geez, people need to update their blogs!" And then I look at mine, and realize that it's been over a week since I've done a post. Oops.

But, my life is boring. Monotonous. Stressful. Nothing really exciting. I go to school. Look forward to Chamber, Psych (usually) and seminary. Go home. Do homework. Procrastinate. Do more homework. Stress. and go to bed. Repeat. Weekends are full of procrastination and being lazy. Sounds exciting, no?

This weekend was a bit different. Friday and Saturday night was the Broadway Review at Mesa High. It was pretty awesome. The seniors in choir sang Seasons of Love. We pretty much rocked it. And then all the other acts were AMAZING! Seriously. I loved going, because the talent was amazing. Plus, I sat by Holly and Kristina which equals mucho laughter.

Despite the awesomeness of the Broadway Review, I've just gotten completely and totally sick of school. I'm so ready for school to be done. I've hit the ginormous brick wall called senioritis. I have three AP tests to do. And I really only feel ready for one of them. Yet, I don't want to do any work - but I have to do keep my scholarship. I'd be ok if it weren't for the AP tests. I wish I could get college credit without the dang tests. They make me want to cry.

Graduation. Please come quickly! Just, not too quickly, because of the AP tests. Or, you know, just skip the tests. I'd be ok with that. I'm so ready to be done with high school. With the city of Mesa. With being at home and having to share the house with my 30 year old brother. (I love Michael, I really do. It's just gotten really hard to get along with him and share a house with him.) I'm ready to be on my own - well...as ready as a soon to be 18 year old can be.

Flagstaff. It's gonna be scary. I know that. Total responsibility. But, well...I don't know how to explain it. I know it'll be ok. The Lord has been guiding my path so far. He'll guide me the rest of the way, as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to. Flagstaff is where I'm supposed to be. NAU is the school I'm meant to go to. Apartment 96 (I think that's the number?) in University Meadows, with Katie Wilson and others is where I'm meant to live. No big deal. The Lord's got this. I'm in His hands. I'll be alright. I just want life to let me go, so I can do those things.

Last, I am eternally grateful that I have been living my life the way I have been. Yes, I could be doing better, and I'm aiming to be better, but because I have been living this way, my path has crossed the paths of others, who are also living righteous lives. And those others have become incredibly important to me. Without them in my life, I would hopeless. Because I have been going down my right path, I have met others going down their right path, and I have been strengthened - and hopefully I have strengthened them. Always be aware of what path you're going down. You don't want to miss crossing paths with people who are awesomeness on a stick. That would be sad.

Yes. My life. Graduation, please come! Love, a girl who is finally ready(ish) to grow up.

Seasons of Love

I first heard this song on Pandora.  And I fell in love with it. At the end of last year, Chamber sang it. And I fell in love with it again. And, now, I get the opportunity to sing it will the seniors in choir for the Broadway Review that Mesa High is doing. It has made me fall in love with it again. It's my senior year. And it's coming to a close. And what do I have to show for it? Grades? Yeah, that helps with college, but, really, so what? A super tense and knotted back from the loads of stress that I haven't learned how to manage yet? No...no, that's not exactly something I imagine thinking back on that with fondness.

So, what will go down in memory? What makes this all worth remembering? What will I look back on and say, "Yes. That made high school worth it. That made everything, all the drama, and the stress, and all that crap, that made it worth it."

I know. It's the friendships that I have made. The people I have grown close to. The love I have experienced. I was thinking earlier today. My life has been...difficult, I guess would be a good word to use, lately. Just little things piling up. Stress building. And I've never been one to handle my stress well. And then, just when I thought I was at the breaking point, and that there was no way it could get worse...it did. Like a bomb.

But, I didn't break. And I know that this is because of my friends. I was able to go to them, and they were able to help me feel better. The stress is still there - let me tell you, my back feels it! - but there's just a relief. A lift, almost, to know that my friends are there. To make me smile and laugh when I truly just feel like bawling like a baby. It's amazing and awe-inspiring to think of the way the Lord works. To think of how He has placed certain people in my life at this time. To think of the people that I have been able to grow closer to, and the people that have been a strength and support to me. I know I talk about friends a lot. But it's really something that has been on my mind a lot. Because, as much as I'm looking forward to graduating, I'm so bummed at the people I'm going to be leaving.

If I'm only remembered for one thing by those that I'm leaving behind when I go to Flagstaff, I want it to be a legacy of love. "How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?" "Measure in love." I want my friends to know just how much they mean to me, and how much they have helped me. I'm so excited for graduation. Like, I'm ready for it to be tomorrow. But, when that day comes, I know it's going to be SO hard. But...in my heart, I'll be singing this:

"It's time now, to sing out
Though the story never ends.
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love."

Tengo una pregunta (or for all you gringos out there, I have a question.)

This week has been amazing, let me tell you. And not just because it's spring break and I've done absolutely nothing and it's been wonderfully stress free! But, I feel like there's been so much...growth...in me. And I really have no clue why. Tuesday night, my first night up in Sedona, I was having my scripture study. And it was amazing. I had one of those inspirations/epiphanies. It felt great. I felt so open to the spirit. Scripture study was just as great Wednesday and Thursday. At first I thought it may have just been because I was kind of separated from the world - in a secluded hotel up in Sedona. But then, Friday night, the day I got back home, I still had a great scripture study. In fact, I had another one of those inspirations/epiphany things. Two in a week! Crazy!

I just feel...awake. I can't really explain. I just feel like things are coming together, and that I'm a little bit more open than before, if that makes sense. Little changes in my life. Holding my tongue here, saying a kind word there. Little things like that. But, here's the deal. My scripture study last night made me step back and think. I want your guys' help here.

So, my ultimate goal in life is to make a difference in the world, even if that difference is to the world of one person. A little while ago, my brother randomly said, "I think I have the definition of love. It's joy." Now, usually my gut reaction to anything my brother says is to disagree. That's just what we do. I agreed to a point, but somehow it felt...selfish. Love isn't about yourself. It's about the other person, I think. So love shouldn't be your own joy. And then, in my scripture study and in reading a talk from the Relief Society General Conference, I now think that love, true and pure love, is desiring others to have joy. Maybe not necessarily being able to give them that joy, because we all have our agency, but wanting them to have joy, and trying to help them gain joy. In other words, love it putting yourself out of the equation. It's being selfless. I feel like the only way to make a difference in the world is through love. In fact, I know that is the only way to make a difference. Which means, I need to think about myself less and think about others a little more.

This is where you come in. Beth Root is naturally a selfish person. It's true. It's something I try to bury down, but it just comes naturally. The natural man, I guess. But, I'm trying to make a difference. So, I have a question for you all. What are maybe some things that people have done for you, or that you do, or just whatever, that make a difference. That express love. That show compassion. I learned that compassion is an action word. If you have compassion, then you will do. What are maybe some things that I can do? Suggestions? Comments? Anything would be welcome. It's times like this where I feel like I can see clearly, and I want so much to change my life little by little, so I can be that person that helps people and makes a difference.

So comment on here, or Facebook me, or whatever. Just help me out here. what are some things that make a difference and show love? I want to try and do them! And, you know, not anything crazy like building houses for homeless people. As awesome as that would be, I'm pretty sure that's out of my capability. And budget. :)

To love another person is to see the face of God. - Don't forget that!

Seeing the face of God

So, yesterday I was cleaning my room and I found some papers from my psych class. I was about to throw them away, because I didn't need them anymore, when I found this quote that I wrote on one of the papers. I don't remember where it came from or why I wrote it down, but I liked it. A lot. This was it:

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

I want to high-five the person who said that, because it's just...perfect. I love quotes like this. Little nuggets of truth with lots of power behind it. I know I've talked about my friends a lot, a lot recently. But, that's because I've never actually...needed my friends before. If that makes sense? I don't know what other word to use. I'm pretty much a self-sufficient person. But, experiences that I've had recently have required me to rely on their support. It's a slightly humbling experience. And I feel like I explained that horribly, but that's ok. You can think I'm nuts. But, anyway, my friends. All my friends, I see Christ in their eyes. That's why I'm drawn to them, why I know I CAN rely on them. And that brings me to the quote.

In order to love others, you have to see something in them - you have to see God in them. That's why I love my friends so much, because they have that special light in them. But the truth is, God is in each of us. And...that brings us to something else.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I hear girls - actually, anyone, but it's usually from girls - say that their fat or ugly. They may be like "Today is my ugly day," and I want to give this whole spiel about how they are never ugly. But I usually just like raise my eyebrow and say something like 'Oh, you never have an ugly day!" Because I know they don't want to be preached at. But, here's the deal. They are not only insulting themselves by saying that.

We have been told that we are made in God's image. Genesis 1:26-27. He created us. And He made us to look like Him. Every time someone says they are ugly, or fat, they are insulting God. Not only insulting His craftsmanship, but also how He looks. I know, it sounds weird, but think about it. He made us to look a certain way. Every time I hear someone degrade themselves in some way, I just want to be like "What are you talking about! You have so much beauty!" I guess sometimes it takes special eyes to see that beauty. We all get so caught up in perfect make-up, perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect everything, that we lose sight of the natural beauty all around and within ourselves. And, it's not like I go around going "La, la, la, I'm so pretty! Look at me!" Yeah, no, that's not what I'm saying. I struggle with self-image just the same as any other girl. It's just that this knowledge makes it easier for me to get over that and to see the beauty inside myself. And the beauty in others.

So. "To love another person is to see the face of God." (by the way. I've discovered where this is from. Les Miserables. In case you wanted to know.) Strive to see God's face in the faces of those around you - to see Christ in others' eyes. It makes loving them so much easier. And, looking for the face of God in your face makes loving yourself so much easier.

P.S. sorry that my last couple of posts have been sorta didactic (baha, Mr. Garcia would be proud of me for using that word.) but that's just what's been going on in my brain. That and stress, and I'm sure reading about my stress would be more boring than this. The end.

An eye opening experience

In psychology, we had this mask personality project. The mask represents our personality - probably not that hard to figure out. Mrs. Mickle wanted us to put things on the mask that represents who we are. Not just our traits, because sarcasm and happiness does that equal who a person is. There just...sort of outcomes of who a person is. There's events, and joys, and talents, and goals, things like that that make us who we are. So, we created masks of ourselves. I was very proud of mine. I don't hide a whole lot of myself. What I hide are either things that I'm having a hard time with - I don't like letting people know when I'm not doing good. I like people to think I'm happy - or the thoughts that I have about myself. Hey, I'm a girl. As much as I pretend I don't, I still have insecurities. Not a whole lot, but you'd be hard pressed to find a teenage girl with zero doubts about herself.

Anyways, we presented our masks in class. It's taken all week. And let me tell you, this has been the most depressing week in psychology ever. Let's just say people's lives are not so very happy. I can't get into details because of confidentiality, but I'll just say that I have nothing to complain about in my life. Sure, I have insecurities. Sure, my family is slightly dysfunctional sometimes. Sure I've had some trials and sadness in my life. But I have no reason to ever wallow, or feel sadness for any length of time. I have it good! I have a great family, despite the problems. We never are cruel to each other. Yes, we tease, but when someone gets hurt, apologies are immediate. I have support in whatever I do. I'm surrounded by a (mostly) happy and loving atmosphere.

Some - most - people's lives are just sucky. Honestly. I've lived a very sheltered life, I've realized. I've never really seen real violence. Real cruelty. Real hate. Real evil. It's not a bad thing. But, because of this, I've never realized the reality of it all. It's not just something you see on TV shows. It really truly happens in many people's lives. I've come to really appreciate my situation in life. True, it's not perfect. But I have every reason in the world to be happy.

I've come to realize the importance of where I am today, if that makes sense. The Lord has placed me here for a reason. He placed me in this family, at this time. He placed me in the midst of wonderful people I'm lucky to call my friends. He placed me in the middle of a loving ward family. He placed me in a home full of love and music. He placed me where I can express myself, and not be repressed in that expression. I may be ignored sometimes, but, hey, that's the life of the youngest. I'm not too bitter about it...usually. :) I'm so lucky! No, not lucky. I'm blessed. I don't understand why the Lord would give me all this, while so many others live lives of misery. They struggle to find things to be happy about. Me, I turn my head, and look! There's something, someone, who will put a smile on my face. I don't know why I'm here, I truly don't. Sometimes I feel like others deserve it more. That others would probably be able to do whatever I'm sent to do better than me. Because I see people better than me all around. They're the people I call my friends. But, the Lord knows best. And because of all He has blessed me with, I will fulfil whatever purpose He sent me here to do. I'm here on a mission, and it will be completed. I would be ungrateful to attempt anything less.

Never again will I underestimate the greatness of my life. Here's an invitation. Reflect on your life. Think about all the negative things. Now, think about someone you know who has it worse. I promise you, you know someone who has it worse. Then, think about all the positive things in your life. Then think about that person who has it worse. Don't you feel so blessed? I guarantee that you will always be able to find many positive things in your life. Find reasons to be happy. Happiness is a choice. Take a step out of your shoes and step into someone else's. You will be amazed at the things you will find out about yourself and that person.

And, I also just want to say a thank you to my friends. You know who you are. Heck, who else reads this but my friends?! Haha, but really. I consider one of my greatest blessings the friends I have around me everyday. No one else has it so lucky. Because my friends are the best!

Some long over-do lovin'

So, this past week was missionary week. Which equaled no blogging for Beth. And there's been something I've just been dying to share my love about. And it all has to do with...*insert drumroll here*...Jazz/Mad! Go figure. No, but really, last weekend was one of the best times I've had in my life. Because 1: I got to hang out with some of the best people ever. 2: Music was the whole reason we were there. And 3: there were definitely some spiritual experiences. So, basically, three of my favorite things ever. Friends, music, and the Gospel.

So, anyway, I just really wanted to show my love for, not exactly Jazz/Mad itself, not exactly the memories that I made there, but the people I spent time with. The people I made those memories with. You see, for the most part, I'm pretty awful at expressing myself, and I honestly don't know if I tell my friends that I love them. I've recently opened myself up a little more with my fellow choir nerds, by sharing certain things with them that I normally wouldn't share. And then, I opened up myself even more with the members of Chamber there at Jazz/Mad. I actually...expressed my feelings. Pretty crazy, huh? And the amazing thing? By doing that, I've only made it possible for me to love those people even more!! I seriously can't even begin to use words to convey how much I care about each and every member of that choir. Those 11 people have come to mean so much to me. I would do anything to help any of them, in any way. They're my peeps.

So, yes. Chamber. They. Are. My. Favorites. And this post ended up being totally different from what I intended. But, I think I like this better. I love Chamber. I love Katie Alston. I love McKenna Thornhill. I love Kassandra McRae. I love Sara Morgan. I love Michelle Moyer. I love Bradley Whiting. I love Taylor Hansen. I love Johnathan Speakman. I love Jaron Ellingson. I love Keir Ashby. I love Nick Anderson. I love them. To the max. Yes, indeed. They are what I love today, and everyday from here on out. Even when I'm 80 years old, I will remember this group of kids, and think fondly of them. Heck, I would love to be hanging with them when I'm 80. I wouldn't be surprised if that ended up happening. But, life goes on. After like age 30, I may never see some of them again. But, they will never leave my heart, and I will love them till I die - and then afterwards too!