News update

I am moving to two weeks. What I'm feeling: super freakout. Super sad. Super nervous/scared. A little bit excited.

I know this is what I'm supposed to do. The Lord has led me this far. He's not just going to drop me and leave me alone. He's with me to the end. I know this is what the Lord wants me to do.  But that doesn't exactly make it any easier. And it doesn't completely stop all the non-happy feelings. Knowing it in my mind doesn't automatically transfer to feeling it in my heart. I'm working on it...but it's been kinda a long process. I actually was doing great! Until school ended, and it became hardcore reality. But, I was texting Katie Alston about it - Bradley had just come over to drop off a cap and gown I had let him borrow for baccalaureate. He's leaving/left tonight. So I started texting her, freaking out that Bradley is the first of the Chamber crew to leave...and that I'm going to be the second. She ended up saying the most perfect words that I needed at the time. It was gentle reminder of why I'm doing this...because I was led to it. It was a gentle reminder of God's love for me, and how He is most definitely in control.

So, now I'm still freaking out, scared, sad, excited...but I'm not fighting it. I'm leaving SO many friends behind. Gah! Who knows when I'll see many of them next! But, what will happen...will happen. I have full trust in the Lord that, I will meet these amazing people again - whether in this life or in the eternities. I will make new friends - no matter how hard/awkward it may feel for me to talk to new people. I will accomplish what I need to accomplish. I will be fine up there in Flagstaff. I will survive, I will grow and progress. The Lord has my back. In McKenna's words, He's got this.

In other, more cheerful new, Girls' Camp is this week! Tuesday to Friday! It will be my last year...but it will be a blast. I'm Junior Staff, and I'm doing lots, but it'll be so much fun. I can't wait!

A Cappella

I probably should be going to bed right now, especially since I have to be up a wee bit earlier for graduation practice. But, I was just writing in my journal, and I wrote down this experience, and I want to share it. And I want to do it while it's still fresh in my brain. Besides, I don't think I could go to sleep with all this rolling around in my head.

So. Today was the last day in A Cappella choir. I had decided last night that I really wanted to sing The Awakening one last time.  It is an AMAZING song that fully expresses my feelings of music. It has such great power, and I wanted to have that be a final memory of choir. I am so glad it became one. I mentioned that I wanted to sing it to Mary Jarman, and she was like, "Ok!" and ran up to Ms. Coffey to tell her my "final request" of singing The Awakening.

I was actually surprised at how many people were willing to sing it, and actually seemed excited about it.  We started singing, and the spirit was definitely there. We weren't singing for technique at all this time. We were singing the words, the meaning. Once we got to the "Awake, awake" part, I couldn't help but smile. And then I started looking around. I made eye contact with Hanna Ellsworth, and she had the biggest smile on her face, showing exactly how I felt. And then, I couldn't help but cry. I cried tears of pure joy. I don't think I've ever done that before. I cry when I feel the spirit and it testifies of something strongly, or when I sad, or when I'm angry, but I've never cried with a feeling of that intense joy.

The words that I could not sing: "Let music never die in me! Forever let my spirit sing! Where ever emptiness is found, let there be joy and glorious sound! Let music never die in me! Forever let my spirit sing!  Let all our voices join as one to praise the Giver of the song!" Ah, such intense feelings. When I looked at Hanna, and saw the same joy in her that I was feeling, I just couldn't contain it! I felt such joy in singing with the choir - I never realized how much I enjoyed singing with those kids until today, the last time we sing as just A Cappella. And, just the fact that they all love music, they feel something in it too. We all were thankful, and were thanking someone with those words. We were united in song. Here's a direct quote from my journal about the singing of the song:

"I cried. They were tears of joy, of such profound joy. One, for having music in my life. And two, for the very fact that we were united together in song, and we all loved it, and I know many of us are grateful for the fact we can sing music."

A Cappella has had many ups and downs this past year. And despite it all, I have loved the choir. There were times where I thought I didn't, just because it was all so frustrating. But, the hard, bitter times made the great times ever better. I truly have learned and grown so much because of A Cappella. The members of the choir mean so much to me. And the altos! Oh, the altos! My altos! More like my sistahs! I have grown to love and respect each of those girls in the altos section so much. I think that, secretly, we were Coffey's favorite. Just sayin'. They've dealt with my craziness, and how ridiculous I got when I was stressed. They somehow got it into their head that I was a good leader, even though I'm pretty sure the only thing I did was smile and tell people to shut up and suck it up.

Oh, A Cappella. I'm going to miss you. And those altos...man. I'm gonna be depending on those new senior altos to keep up the legacy of awesomeness - and of respect (mostly) and hard work (mostly). If any of you read this...I love you guys! Thanks for the memories and for the love. Alto Power!!

STRESSSS!

This is me going to vent just super fast.

I thought everything was supposed to be easy the last couple of weeks of school! I'm pretty sure this is the most stressful last two weeks I have ever had - and I don't have any actual test finals. Just silly little projects. Plus, you know, giving a talk in church, singing at baccalaureate, singing at seminary graduation, plus this little project that I really, really want to get done before school ends. How the heck am I supposed to do it all! I pretty much need it all done by Tuesday. Do you ever feel like you need a reason to cry? Because I felt that way today. WAY too much was put on my plate at once. But, I guess all I can do is take a deep breathe, let it out, and take it all one step at a time. And soak up these final memories that I will be making.

Man. All this stuff is making SO eager for graduation! By this time next week, I will no longer be a high schooler. Wow. Craziness!

May the music never end

Tonight was the final choir concert of the year. The last choir concert that I will ever sing at Mesa High. One of the last times that I will sing with that group of kids of A Cappella and Chamber Singers. It's been an interesting experience. Sentimental. It's not usually a word that I would use to describe me. But certain experiences that I've had this year combined with my awesome friends have kinda changed that. As you probably could tell if you are a frequent reader of my blog. I often talk about my choir friends - especially my Chamber peeps. This last concert was more...reflective for me than anything. Remembering the times I've had with these amazing people. According to Katie Alston - and I wholeheartedly agree with this - the bonds you make in choir are stronger than the bonds you make with others. It's the power of music. So it's not like I'm trying to make my other friends feel bad. It's just, you know, their my choir friends!

Anyway, there was a song that Chamber sang - and then later joined/replaced by the people who will be in Chamber next year. It was...tough.The seniors handed their mike to an incoming member, and walked off stage. I was ok with it...after a little bit. Because I understand moving on. It sucks, but a necessary part of life. So. The song. May the Music Never End:

May the music never end.
Surround us with a circle of love.
Let our hearts keep singing
and this song keep ringing through our lives
as we leave this place my friend.
And may the music never end.

Familiar hearts fill this room with love.
There've been so many years
of laughter and of tears.
And I cherish ever moment that we shared.
Mem'ries I'll be thinking of
are reflections of your love.

May the music never end.
And may the music never end.

I guess...the point of this post is to explain this one thing. What is music to you? Because it is SO much to me. More than just notes and words on a piece of paper. Music is feeling, it's emotion. So, let the love, the joy, and the memories never end. Our paths will separate. Maybe permanently -at least in this life. But, that doesn't mean that our love for each other has to end, or the joy we have felt in each others' presence and because of each other. We will always have our memories. If you're worried about losing those, write them down!

Please. Please, please, please, oh please! May the music never end. Never let and end come to those things. I will carry my love for all of you for forever. Friends for life, eh? Most definitely!

Oh, hi!

Once again, I seem to be a hypocrite...getting frustrated with people not updating their blog, and yet, there's my blog. The funny thing is, I've actually been doing interesting stuff! Of  course, I don't have pictures. Well, I do have pictures for some of them. I'm just on the laptop right now, and I'm too lazy to get pictures that are on the other computer. I'm not much of a picture person anyway. So, this is going to be a super quick run through of my life the past month or so.

I went to a Nikki Yanofsky concert. Who is Nikki Yanofsky, you ask? She's only the most AMAZING 17 year old jazz singer you will ever hear. Katie Alston introduced her to me. My life will never be the same. Mostly because of extreme jealousy of her talent.

Then, I got super sick - with like a cold, and sore throat, and crazy congestion. But, I had Jazz Baby to perform at! I couldn't be sick! I wake up Tuesday morning and can barely talk. I pray super hard, refuse to drink milk, get a blessing, and then that night, sing awesomely. At least, I assume I sang awesomely. My ears were majorly plugged up, so I'm relying on compliments that may or may not have been truthful. :) regardless of how well I sang, it was a blast. I wish we had done multiple nights, because it was so much fun singing jazz, and being with Chamber peeps.

Hey look! I have a picture! Yay for Facebook! haha this was the quartet for Smile. Basically, I got to sing with three awesome people. And it made me happy.

Then,Chamber sang the National Anthem at the Diamondbacks game. It was SO cool! Getting to s pend the afternoon/night with Chamber was seriously the best thing. Ya'll know how much I love Chamber. This was just like a big unifying thing. After the game, a few of us went to Katie's house for a "homework party." Yes, we all kinda are nerds. But that's ok. About half an hour before we have to go home, we decide to go swinging. And it was just...peaceful. I don't know. It was just kind of a powerful experience, if that makes sense. We were all relaxed, and just...enjoying each other's company. It was bittersweet, because it made the reality of me moving so strong. For awhile now, I've been so...ok with moving away. It's what I'm supposed to do. But that moment made it so hard. Yes, it's "not letting go"and it's "a part of growing up" but that doesn't make it any easier. I'm grateful for that experience, though. Because it built yet another memory with some of my best friends, that, though makes it hard to move away, but makes it harder to forget them.

Then, the next weekend was prom. Which, to my surprise, I WENT TO!! Michael Christian Neumeyer asked me. It was a blast. We went bowling and then make pizza and watched Tangled for our day activity. And, I'm not gonna lie, that probably was my favorite part of it.

Aren't we a good looking bunch?

And then, amidst all the prom excitements and afterwards, there were AP tests. I actually feel pretty good about them. I'm hoping for at least all 4s...but I don't want to get cocky, or too overconfident or anything. We'll just see...at about the third week of July.

And then, this Thursday, I went on a racquetball date with Alex Hansen, and had a fantastic time. We went to Dairy Queen afterwards, and then walked on the temple grounds as we ate our ice cream. See, super inexpensive, but so much fun! Boys should ask girls on dates like that more often. It makes them feel special, and it really is a whole lot of fun.

And...that pretty much brings us up to date with my life. Really, life has been pretty sweet. And graduation is coming! I really can't wait!! Even if I'm leaving my friends...they will still be my friends, and I'll stay in contact with them. Even if we never meet again, that's ok. We'll be friends, regardless. And we'll have great memories.

Life. It's interesting, isn't it. It's gone by so fast this year! Sometimes I feel so young, and other times I feel so old. the thought of moving away makes me feel like 10 years older than my junior friends, but then other times I feel like a complete baby, and that I can't possibly survive moving away. But, that's life! And, well, with Heavenly Father guiding my path, I've got nothing to really worry about. Moving away is scary, but completely exciting, too. Who knows where He will lead me next!

Who says miracles never happen?

These past few weeks have been...interesting. About three weeks ago, I was having a really hard time. Why, I really don't know. I was just super stressed, having bad days, and just couldn't seem to handle anything - you know those times. For the past few months, the company my daddy had been working for was going through some changes. I won't get into the details, but, let's just say, there were going to be some mechanics let go. I was perfectly confident my dad would keep his job. I said, "Pff" to any thought or any doubt. But, then, during that super hard time, I got home from school. It was kind of a really crappy day. Not even a minute after being home my brother tells me, "Dad lost his job. Friday is his last day at work." My mind was blown. And a crappy day just got worse.

I began stressing out. I began fearing the worst - I can be a pessimist, when it comes to things like this. That first week, I didn't know what to do. I was lucky enough to have awesome friends that kept me from having panic attacks every hour. Then, blessing number one: it turned out my dad would get to work another week.

Gradually, my fears started fading. I worried less - well, about my dad. my worries of school were definitely still there. Then, the next week came around - this last week. It was like my dad not working wasn't a reality for me. It was strange. It just seemed all normal, until I'd get home from school, and my dad was there watching TV or something, instead of being at work. But, I knew everything was going to be ok. Blessing number two. It's not like I didn't know it before, but I was just worried more. I don't really know what happened. I attribute it to the prayers said in behalf of me and my family. I was able to focus less on my dad not having a job, and focus more on school.

Then, Thursday came around. Blessing number three: My dad had an interview. Blessing number four: Friday, my dad had another interview. I come home Friday after school, and BAM. Miracle: My daddy has a job. He starts Monday.

Blessing number five: In fact, with my daddy losing his job, we come out ahead. He gets a severance check, because half the company was being sold, which was why he lost his job. So, we get extra money. We get to pay off stuff. My daddy's pay is less, but he has to drive less, which equals saving money.

No one can tell me that miracles do not happen anymore. Because I have witnessed one. I am so incredibly grateful for what has happened. Things could have been WAY worse. My mom is a teacher, so yes, there'd be money - but then it'd be summer time, and, yes, mom gets a wee bit of money during the summer, but it would get super tough.

Honestly, this past week - the week that my dad actually didn't work - has been the most normal feeling one out of this whole thing. It was like my daddy not having work was no big deal, which seems strange to me, because not that long ago, it felt like the worse thing ever. There was one day this week where someone mentioned their dad being out of town for work, and I just casually said, "My dad lost his job." I didn't really think anything of it, because I was over it. I knew things were going to work out. but then my friend said, "Awkward, Beth. Don't just go around saying that!" Oops. I totally didn't realize it at all. haha

But, I feel so lucky. I don't know why my dad got a job so quick when there are others out there who have been struggling to find one for such a long time. I'm just grateful that the Lord was mindful to us and our needs, and I hope and pray that those who are in tough situations like that never lose faith. The Lord is mindful of them, too.

The Lord is in control. I'm so grateful for that knowledge. I'd be completely lost if I was out here on my own. He knows what's going on and how things should be handled. I think I'll be more careful to keep His plan for my future in mind, more than my own, now. I know He's got my back, that way! :)

Is graduation here yet?

So, I've been saying, "Geez, people need to update their blogs!" And then I look at mine, and realize that it's been over a week since I've done a post. Oops.

But, my life is boring. Monotonous. Stressful. Nothing really exciting. I go to school. Look forward to Chamber, Psych (usually) and seminary. Go home. Do homework. Procrastinate. Do more homework. Stress. and go to bed. Repeat. Weekends are full of procrastination and being lazy. Sounds exciting, no?

This weekend was a bit different. Friday and Saturday night was the Broadway Review at Mesa High. It was pretty awesome. The seniors in choir sang Seasons of Love. We pretty much rocked it. And then all the other acts were AMAZING! Seriously. I loved going, because the talent was amazing. Plus, I sat by Holly and Kristina which equals mucho laughter.

Despite the awesomeness of the Broadway Review, I've just gotten completely and totally sick of school. I'm so ready for school to be done. I've hit the ginormous brick wall called senioritis. I have three AP tests to do. And I really only feel ready for one of them. Yet, I don't want to do any work - but I have to do keep my scholarship. I'd be ok if it weren't for the AP tests. I wish I could get college credit without the dang tests. They make me want to cry.

Graduation. Please come quickly! Just, not too quickly, because of the AP tests. Or, you know, just skip the tests. I'd be ok with that. I'm so ready to be done with high school. With the city of Mesa. With being at home and having to share the house with my 30 year old brother. (I love Michael, I really do. It's just gotten really hard to get along with him and share a house with him.) I'm ready to be on my own - well...as ready as a soon to be 18 year old can be.

Flagstaff. It's gonna be scary. I know that. Total responsibility. But, well...I don't know how to explain it. I know it'll be ok. The Lord has been guiding my path so far. He'll guide me the rest of the way, as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to. Flagstaff is where I'm supposed to be. NAU is the school I'm meant to go to. Apartment 96 (I think that's the number?) in University Meadows, with Katie Wilson and others is where I'm meant to live. No big deal. The Lord's got this. I'm in His hands. I'll be alright. I just want life to let me go, so I can do those things.

Last, I am eternally grateful that I have been living my life the way I have been. Yes, I could be doing better, and I'm aiming to be better, but because I have been living this way, my path has crossed the paths of others, who are also living righteous lives. And those others have become incredibly important to me. Without them in my life, I would hopeless. Because I have been going down my right path, I have met others going down their right path, and I have been strengthened - and hopefully I have strengthened them. Always be aware of what path you're going down. You don't want to miss crossing paths with people who are awesomeness on a stick. That would be sad.

Yes. My life. Graduation, please come! Love, a girl who is finally ready(ish) to grow up.