Awesomeness

Ok, so there's a lot that happened this weekend that I want to share, but I'll do it one at a time, and not in the order that it happened.

Last night, I had an awesome experience. I went to the Lamb of God concert, performed by the EVMCO (East Valley Mormon Choir Organization) and conducted by Rob Gardner.

Oh my gosh is was SO amazing. Let me tell you. I love music. And that is exactly why I love music. The spirit was so strong. The music told a story, sometimes in a different perspective that what you normally would. It was about the days leading up to the Atonement and then the Resurrection. I learned some things. I was inspired by others. One thing that really struck me was Mary, Jesus' mother. How many of us think of her, and the pain and anguish she must have gone through watching her son suffer and die, and not be able to do anything about it. I know whenever I see someone I love in pain or suffering in some way, I want to help. It almost physically pains me to see them in pain. And it must be like 50 times worse for a mother to watch a child go through something like that, and have absolutely no power to help. It must have been a sacrifice for Mary. She's definitely someone I want to run up to and give a big hug to when I get the chance to meet her.

So, yeah, that concert was inspiring and refreshing. I love me some good music. And not only was that inspiring and spiritually music, but it was just good! Seriously, that choir was amazing. Amazing tone, amazing balance, amazing blends, amazing power. Just, you know, all-round full of amazingly awesomeness.

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a poet

On the way to Utah Friday night, I received inspiration on a poem to write. I've been thinking about what to write, since I need 4 original poems for my portfolio. So, since it was like 2 am at the time, it was pitch black. Like, I could see nothing outside the car window. And it freaked me out. Mostly because of my dad's driving. He's not a bad driver, don't get me wrong. But roads are curvy, my imagination is active, I'm terrified of heights, and who knew if there was an edge, and my dad occasionally likes to drive faster than my liking. So, I was probably a little more scared than I should have been. But then I'd fall asleep for twenty minutes, shift positions, sleep some more, wake up, talk a wee bit, then sleep some more. So I didn't freak out the whole night.

But at one point when I was staring out into the creepy darkness, I thought of an idea for the poem. And I wrote it today on the car ride home. And I want to share it, because I want critiquing. So here it is. The title is still iffy.

In the Darkness

I look out into the darkness,
The deep, dark Night.
I see nothing,
Save rare glimpses
Of Light.

Despair fills my heart,
For my eyes see nothing
But the deep, dark Night.

My eyes close tight,
Hoping that when they open,
There'll be no more Night.
But, no, the dark
Still overwhelms.

Fear grips my being,
Fear of the unknown
As strange, eerie sounds
Penetrate the Night and
Come to my ears.

There terror nearly masters me,
Till I see another small Light,
And I'm reminded of
The Dawn.

Hope overtakes the
Fear, despair, and terror,
Every bad thought and feeling
Banished.

For the Dawn breaks
Every morn.
The Sun will come.

Thought clouds shroud the sky,
And also my heart,
The Sun will always come.
Maybe not in the open, or
Clearly seen,
But always there.

The Sun waits to
Shine through the darkness.
There can be no darkness
Without the Light.
There can be no morning
Without the Night.

The terror is gone,
The hope growing strong,
And my eyes are now
Towards the sky,
Searching for the coming
Sun.

Ok, keep in mind that this is free verse. It's not supposed to be exactly flowy, and there's no particular structure. But, please let me know what you think. If you have critics, let me know...But you should know that I tend to take them personally. I try not to, but it just sometimes happens. So, yeah. Still let me know if you have critics. I want to make it super good! Thanks!

P.S. Please notice how I made the whole metaphor thing optional. I could literally be talking about the sun, or, you know, the Son. I felt clever when I was writing it.

Randomness on a stick

I just finished an essay that took forever to write because of brain farts and the constant distraction of little kids. Some I'm related to, some I'm not. And, let me just say that I'm glad that the most annoying kid is NOT related to me. So, basically, my brain is flowing randomness from my brain, and I felt like typing some of it out.

1. I really, really like the oldies. A 10+ hour car ride, and we listened to nothing but oldies. And I really liked it. But, let me tell you, some of the oldie songs were just as scandalous and modern songs.

2. I hate sleeping in cars. Like a lot. And, if you leave at 10 at night, you need to sleep. Well, if you're me. So, now my knee/leg hurts because I found the most comfortable position to sleep, but after like 10 minutes, it would make my right leg cramp up. Actually, at the moment, both my legs are cramping. I've probably been sitting too long.

3. Naps are the best. I love them. A lot.

4. I left my MP3 player at home. And I'm sad because of it. I'm craving me some Nickel Creek goodness right now. And I can't just pull up Pandora or Youtube because everyone else in the room is sleeping.

5. I really like using laptop. They're spiffy, and I feel like I type super fast. I don't know if that's true, and if it is why that would be. Or if it isn't, why it feels like I type with super speed. But, yeah.

6. So I have this poetry portfolio to do, and I'm supposed to put in 4 originals that I've written myself. Which I guess is the definition of original, huh? On the car ride up here to Utah, I received inspiration for two of them. I'm excited to write them.

7. Speaking of poetry, I'm using my sister's poetry for the two poems that I need for the contemporary poems for the portfolio. Because she's a legit poet. Like, for reals. She's published, and not just in that cheesy district contest book thingy. Basically, her poems are awesome.

8. Gardetto's is seriously one of the greatest snack foods in the history of snack foods. And Jerky. (written while chomping on some Gardetto's

9. Have I ever mentioned how much I love blogging? Because I love it. A lot.

10. It's really awesome that, despite the crappy quality of sleep I've gotten, I am in a really good mood.

11. My mom is using a laptop for the first time in her life at this very moment. I'm so proud of her. :)

12. By the way, I'm here in Utah for my niece's baptism. Tomorrow is her 8th birthday, and she gets to be baptized tomorrow, which is really unusual for two reasons. It's on a Sunday and it's on her birthday. She's just special, I guess.

13. My mom left her camera at her classroom yesterday, so we weren't able to bring it with us. Which make me really sad, because I wanted to show you all some pictures of my adorable little nieces and nephews, and because I wanted a picture for myself of the first time I get to hold little Faith. She's 5 months old and I've only ever seen her in pictures or through Skype. I'll - hopefully! - get to hold her tomorrow.

Uh, I'm tired. and probably should work on my poetry portfolio, so the randomness is over, for now.

Oh! last one! Sara Bareilles' new CD comes out soon. And though I have no clue when I'll actually be able to buy it, I'm so excited for it. She's like my all-time favorite. EVER!

I have a confession to make

I complain. A lot. I often say it's a hobby of mine. But, within the past month or so, it's gotten a lot worse. Like, right now, I can name off a bunch of stuff to complain about without thinking to hard: My back hurts. I'm tired. I'm on my freakin' period. (Sorry if that's TMI, but...let's face it. It happens to me every month for a week, and more or less the same thing for every other girl going through or who has gone through puberty. It's a fact of life...suck it up, my friend.) I don't have time to do any homework, except the stuff that due the next day, so I have no time to work on the projects. This weekend, I have mucho tarea to do, and like no time to do it. My brother has moved back home, and while that's not a bad thing, I have to learn to share everything. My room has been cut in half, because of long story that I'm not going to get into. And I want a cell phone.

Um...well, that got carried away. But, you get my point. I'm super negative. I can find so much to complain about. And it's really been just dragging me down. I mean, I'm happy. But it's hard to focus on bad and good at the same time. So, I'm just really glad to have the friends that I do, because they help me forget the bad and the whiny, complaininess. Today in choir, on of my friends just came up and gave me a hug, out of the blue, no special reason. And, when I was getting all pessimistic, I just remembered that hug and I smile and think of how awesome it is that I have friends who care about me.

Every single day, someone, somehow, makes me feel special and helps me stay positive. Every single time I show that I'm being all moody and upset, someone lets me know that they care about me and that they actually want me to be happy.

So, after thinking about how it's awesome that I have the friends that I do, and how there really were good parts to my day, and how I actually have things to be grateful for, I realized that to every negative thought, there's a positive.

My back may hurt, but I can have it worked on for free at work, if I want, while others have to pay for their therapy. If I'm tired, I'll just go to sleep faster. And I might be loopy the next day. I'm on my period...well...that just means I can be a mommy when I'm married. The homework, well, that just gives me something to do on the 10 hour car ride to and from Utah this weekend. Michael has moved back home, but now I have someone to talk to about randomness. And sharing is caring. My room is tiny, but I'll have to actually hang my clothes up now, which means no wrinkly shirts. And, the cell phone...well...um....let me think...I guess since I don't have to pay for it, that's money that's going into my college fund.

So, I'm going to make it a goal of mine to try to see the positive, instead of the negative. If you see me complaining, I give you permission to smack me. Just kidding, don't smack me. Just yell at me and tell me to think happy thoughts.

Future mom is what I am!

There's many times when I say I want to get married. And people raise their eyebrows at me. I don't want to get married now obviously, but I most definitely want to be married. I've contemplated writing letters to my future husband, because that's what he means to me. I love him - even though I don't know who he is. I probably don't even know him yet. But, I love him, because I know what he'll be. A good man, a respectful husband.

Then, I often say I want a baby. So I get the eyebrow raise again, and usually some exclamations follow. No, I don't want a baby now, but, oh my gosh, I want one so bad! I want to be a mommy!

This is me holding my nephew Joel just a few days after he was born. In about a month, he will be two years old. This was about the time the whole baby thing started for me. (Hey, check it out! I still have the same watch that I'm wearing in the picture! What a good, sturdy watch. They usually fall apart on me. It may be tacky, but it's been good to me!)

Then, about six months later, my niece Taylor was born. And I held her for the first time. And it was like BAM! I freakin' want a baby. I understand that, at the moment, I would probably be a crappy mom. I can't handle watching my nieces and nephews for over three hours without wanting to strangle them. I don't have a mother's patience. I refuse to change diapers, unless I'm the only one there, and it's necessary. Things like that. 

But, I still want to be a mom. I want to have little kids run up to me, yelling, "Mommy!" and then give me a big hug. I want to be able to sing them to sleep, to teach them about Jesus and their ABCs. I want to hold them in my lap and read them stories and teach them simple Gospel principles and watch them grow. Is that at all weird? That I can't wait for all that to happen? And the great thing is, I have so many nieces and nephews that I can start practicing the whole patience thing now. It takes some work, but it'll be worth it in the end. It's my Divine Nature, to be a mom. I absolutely can't wait.

The Lamb

Have you ever read a poem that you just absolutely loved, and needed to share with everyone? One that just makes you feel...just feel? So much? Feel so much that you couldn't even explain it? I've read poems like that. And I'd thought I'd share one with you. This poem just brings a little extra feeling into my being because I first knew it as a song. My ward choir has sung it before - like a long time ago, so I don't remember the whole melody, but I do remember the gist of it. And it gives me goosebumps just to think about it.

The Lamb, by William Blake

   Little Lamb, who made thee?
   Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life & bid thee feed,
By the stream & o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing wooly bright;
Gavet thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice!
   Little Lamb who made thee?
   Dost thou know who made thee?

   Little lamb, I'll tell thee,
   Little lamb I'll tell thee!
He is called by thy name,
For he calls himself a Lamb:
He is meed & he is mild,
He became a little child:
I a child & thou a lamb,
We are called by his name.
   Little Lamb God bless thee.
   Little Lamb God bless thee.

I'm just curious how you all feel about it. Haha I know not many people read this...but if you do, please leave a comment and share your feelings about this poem. It means a lot to me, and gives me comfort - it mentions our likeness with Christ. "We are called by his name." So, I want to know what it means to you. Maybe it will greaten (Erm, is that a word? hmm...yes, it's a word, I've just decided.) my appreciation for it. Please and thank you. :)

Ugh!

Homework needs to go die in a hole. It's killing my happy Sunday mood. I didn't get my Sunday nap, which is also making me kinda grumpy. I hate doing homework on Sundays anyway. Sunday is the day that I try to remove all worldly worries from my mind - which includes homework. But, because of a busy week, a busy Saturday, and just a wee bit of procrastination, (Only a wee bit. I've been pretty good so far!) I've been stuck with a freakishly big load of homework. Which isn't very pleasing to me.

But, on a happier note, today is my Daddy's birthday! So we're having lots of family come over tonight. Which means lots of chaos. And possibly a headache. And more procrastination of homework. But, it will be fun. I love my Daddy and my family!