Happiness. :)

I am happy. Why? Well...many reasons. More than I could list. But I shall try. Flagstaff is great. I've made awesome friends that I love to hang out with. I'm going down to Mesa tomorrow night until Tuesday afternoon. And I've already got three different tentative plans to hang out with my peeps. (I really don't know why I like saying/typing peeps so much. I just randomly started doing it one day. Randomness. I'm tired. My brain is being silly. And I'm rambling randomness.) Plus, there's gonna be a family BBQ. I'm just super excited to be seeing people. One friend told me he'd write to me. I finally got Bradley's address, and I sent him a letter today. And then he went on Facebook (that kid is NEVER on) and we had a nice conversation. About growing up. And Johnathan Speakman got his missions call. I screamed from excitement. Pretty sure I scared/confused the people in my apartment. (because I never scream. I'm mellow. And don't scream.) I have a job. for at least the first semester of school (for a test-run.) One of my new friends up here in Flag bought me a Frosty. (bliss.) For the first time, being a wee bit slap happy up here. And having to bite back a sarcastic comment. Signs that I am truly becoming comfortable up here and that I love the people I am around. (sarcasm equals love. I promise.) I am simply a happy soul. I love life at the moment. things seems to be going so well. I am so lucky - no, blessed! Yes. Just fabulousness. Love life with me, please!

Inspirational things...inspire me!

1. I love the Brave Girls Club. They send emails to me just about every weekday. And they usually make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
2. This particular one struck me in a different way than usual. Usually, the ones that strike me are ones that seem to be just for me. Because they are about exactly what I'm going through at the moment. (usually change/stress/feeling overwhelmed) But this one was about...i dunno. Everyone. I mean, they always are, but I just saw this one as something every person needs to read. If that makes sense. anyways. Here it is:

Dear Lovely Girl,

You might think you are lost among the number of people in the world -- six billion people to be exact. You might sometimes feel like you are not unique or important or even SEEN. You might feel forgotten and lost in the shuffle, like what you do or how you live and what you think and who you are could really possible matter.

Who matters to you? How big of a difference do they make in YOUR life, and how different would your world be without them?

Who folded the shirt you were wearing and put it on the shelf at the store in such a way that it caught your eye? Who planted the flowers along the walkway, the happy little house you drive by every day? Who came up with the recipe for your favorite cookies?

Think about all of the small things in your life that bring you joy, the things that REALLY make your life the way it is. It's the little things that matter, isn't it?

NOW, there are a WHOLE lot of people who think of YOU this way, all of the little things that you do that make their life better. All of the 'you-ness' that you add to everything you do that makes the world prettier and funnier and happier and smarter and funkier and more unique. Not only would THEIR world not be same without you, but THE WORLD would not be the same without you.

So don't get caught in the trap of thinking that you have to do BIG THINGS to make a difference. JUST BE YOU. Please don't stop being YOU. Don't give up. Don't get discouraged.

You are not just one in a million. You are one in SIX BILLION. Now that's pretty darn special, isn't it?


Pretty amazing, aye? Often times, I get stuck in the whole not-believe-compliments-people-give-me rut. But then, when I tell people that they do all these little things for me that brighten my day...it's truth. How come people aren't allowed to be as sincere as me? Maybe they really mean what they say. So, next time someone compliments you, tells you how amazing you are, says you are an example to them...believe it. Because somewhere at sometime, you did the same thing for someone else, and they didn't want to believe you. But you meant it.

Trust me. You're amazing. How do I know? Because you're you and there's no one quite like you.

Knowing good friends = knowing God

Ya'll know how much I love my friends. Today in Sunday School, I had sorta a mini-epiphany. And I felt like sharing it, because it really is the reason why I love my friends so much...

In Sunday School we were asked how we can know Christ and God - not just know of them, but actually know them. Some people said love and service, which were the two that popped into my head. I started thinking about that, and then I started thinking about all the love and service that happens within friendships. And that sparked my mini-epiphany.

We are all children of God, and within the scriptures we have been told that we have Godlike attributes - or, the ability to have Godlike attributes. (fyi everytime I type Godlike, I end up typing goldlike. God = gold? yes?) And I started thinking about my friends.  I have often said that I can see the light of Christ shining through the faces of them. They all have several attributes that I admire and their Christlike light has often led me through dark times. It is when I am closest to these friends that I become closer to my Savior - they are wonderful examples and gently encourage me to do what's right.

So...my thought process this afternoon. We are told to have good friends - for many reasons. I think this one reason is the main reason, because all of the others are kind of...reactions to it. The main reason: good friends can allow for us to know Christ and Heavenly Father, because they are like them. The closer we become to these friends, the closer we draw to Christ and our Father. This is also why it is so important for us to strive to become like the Savior and follow His example, because this can help others to draw near to Him.

Look at your friends. Do you see this man in them? If you can...these are the friends you should cling to. The friends who will be the greatest strength to you. Strive to become like those friends.

I want to be a window to His love
So when you look at me you will see Him
I want to be so pure and clear
That you won’t even know I’m here
‘Cause His love will shine brightly through me

I want to be a doorway to the truth
So when you walk beyond you will find Him
I want to stand so straight and tall
That you won’t notice me at all
But through my open door He will be seen

A window to His love
A doorway to the truth
A bearer of the message
He’d have me bring to you
And with each passing day
I want to fade away
‘Til only He can be seen
And I become a window to His love

I want to be a window to His love
So you can look through me and you’ll see Him
And someday shining through my face
You’ll see His loving countenance
‘Cause I will have become like He is

A window to His love.
A doorway to the truth.
A bearer of the message He'd have me bring to you
And with each passing day
I want to fade away.
'Till only He can be seen And I become...

A window to His love
A doorway to the truth.
A bearer of the message He'd have me bring to you.
And with each passing year
I want to disappear
'Till He's become everything
and I've become a window to His love.

I've been on a poetry kick

So, a while back, I was going through some stuff of mine, and  I found this poem. And, I think it's nice. Plus, it's about friendship, and ya'll know how much I lurve mis amigos.

 

A smile, a laugh,

A knowing look exchanged:

The things friends do,

But not what makes them friends

Singing together,

Random conversations:

The things friends do,

But not what makes them friends.

Secrets shared,

Many hugs given:

The things friends do,

But not what makes them friends.

What makes that bond,

The strongest of all,

Called friendship?

Laughter may bring them together,

But tears are what

Make it last.

They may share similar loves,

But love for each other

Keeps it strong.

There’s compassion for pains,

Trust in hard times,

Understanding in frustrations,

Sometimes a blunt word,

But spoken in love.

They call each other sisters,

But the bond is really stronger.

Good friends love,

Care, listen, and uplift.

They better the life

Of one another,

Never bringing the

Other down.

Miles may separate,

And years may long pass,

But the friendship

Never will die.

With their friendship and love

They change the world

Simply by changing

One another.

 

And with their friendship and love

They’ve taught others to love

And have drawn others to them;

For who can refuse

The presence of Christ

That shines in their eyes?

His Light shines in those

Who love like those friends.

And with His help,

And with their love,

They make a legacy

That never can die.

It is a wee bit long. I guess I only like long poems or something. haha but yes. I love my friends. And poetry. The end.

Yes, I did just do a blogpost like 30 seconds ago...

This information is just so special, that a whole new post is needed for it:


I have the best friends ever!!!

If I could name them all, I would. But, that would take awhile. And I probably wouldn't have enough time/room to name them all, which means someone would feel left out, which would make me feel bad. But. There are a few that have made a HUGE difference this past week. Katie Alston: rescued me from complete and utter overwhelmingness my first day in Flag. Kristina Wilson: told me exactly what I needed to hear, even though I was being a butt and didn't want to admit they were perfect words. Holly Dixon: let me bother/text her every night, making me smile by sharing her cheery spirit,
 gave me the best belated birthday present ever (and goldfish). Amy and Stephen Hale: basically the only people I know well in Flag, making me laugh lots, showing me the ropes, and letting me crash at their place/eat pizza at an indecent hour because I was too tired/lazy to go back to my apartment. Sarah Merkley: rescued me in my confusion and helped me feel...ok. Also spoke the most perfect words. And fed me sherbet. Katie Wilson and Amy Crandell: best roommates EVER! (I have met Whitney, but I met her Friday night, and then I left Saturday morning. But I'm sure she's awesome too.) Basically they've just been super supportive of me as I've tried to adjust to this...differentness. And, as far as I know, they don't think I'm super annoying/a cranky-whiny-lazy butt. At least, not yet. Which I was worried about. Because it all can be kinda true.

So...I know awesome people. As I was quoted in this last year book..."I have the best friends. You all should be jealous." And it's the truth. :)

The Monument

God,

Before He sent His children to earth

Gave each of them

A very carefully selected package

Of problems.

These,

He promised, smiling,

Are yours alone. No one

Else may have the blessings

These problems will bring you.

And only you

Have the special talents and abilities

That will be needed

To make these problems

Your servants.

Now go down to your birth

And to your forgetfulness. Know that

I love you beyond measure.

These problems that I give you

Are a symbol of that love.

The monument you make of your life

With the help of your problems

Will be a symbol of your

Love for me,

Your Father.

- Blaine M.Yorgason

So, my friend Sarah Merkley introduced me to this poem. In case you couldn't tell from the poems that I have  posted...I like poetry. I feel like most good poetry is like scripture - it is inspired. And, you can often times learn much from it, and what you learn depends on what you're going through, where you are in life, and ultimately, who you are as a person.

The Lord gives us (or maybe, allows us to have) problems and trials because He loves us. Some people might think this is pretty twisted. But, without these things, where is the growth? Where will our strength come from? And, the Lord is always there for us - if we reach out to Him.

Each of these stanzas teach me something different.  But, I kinda wanted to talk about the last stanza. It made me step back and think a bit more than the others ones. Our problems and trials come to define us. How we deal with them, how we react when they happen, how we remember them in the future. We have problems and trials to build us up - but they also have the power to tear us down, if we are not careful.

I often have said the my Ultimate Goal in life, is to make a difference in the world - even if it's a difference in the world of one person. That is what I want my monument to be - that is what most everyone's monument should be: serving others; making a life that is devoted to others. What better way is there to show your love for your Heavenly Father than by serving those around you? So, my question is, how can one make their trials and problems into something that can help others? This is my purpose in life, to make a difference. So, this is my goal, to use my life experiences, no matter the level of difficulty, and somehow use them to build, not only me up, but those around me.

A few of my friends have recently pointed out some of my strengths. I most definitely know many of my weaknesses. It is time to put these things together, along with my problems and trials, and build up my monument. Be a light to those around me. And, somehow, make a difference in the world.

BLLOOOGGG!!

I kinda just really want to do a blog post. Mostly because I want to write. But, I don't know what to do a post on...I'm in Flagstaff...Kinda just chilling out, trying to figure out what to do with myself. I'm gonna familiarize myself a wee bit more with campus and Flagstaff itself and start applying for jobs. But...there's really nothing I feel like talking about...not much has been going on. So, I decided to do a happy post. I've been having a wee bit of trouble being positive this week - change isn't exactly something that makes me perky- so this is prolly a good exercise for me.

Things that make me happy:

1. Brownies. I love brownies. Seriously.
2. My journal. I love just reading some of the old entries, and having the memories come flooding back. Sometimes just looking at the journal does that.
3. Being to close to my sister and brother in law. They make me laugh lots, and I can be totally crazy around them. No inhibitions.
4. Writing. It truly does have a cathartic (is that even a word?) use to it. It helps me think about how I'm feeling, and release some of the emotions that I hold inside of me.
5. My awesome friends. Love. Them. I know I can go to them, and they say what needs to be said to me, and help put a smile on my face when I need it most.
6. My roommates. I'm still a wee bit shy around them. I still haven't been super crazy around them...though my sarcasm has creeped into the conversation occasionally. But, I do love them. I'm so grateful to have landed in this apartment. Super lucky, I am!
7. Sarcasm. It sounds like a strange thing that would make me happy...but it does. don't judge me.
8. Music. It has amazing power. The right music can do amazing things. the wrong music can do amazingly awful things to you. Good music lifts my spirits.
9. The piano. I haven't played the piano since...Sunday? I usually play at least one song a day. I'm gonna have to change this situation, because not playing the piano seriously might cause some damage to my soul.
10. Walking around. The weather here is nice in the summer. There's nice breezes (sometimes super strong gusts) that keep it nice and cool. Except I still get sweaty. that doesn't make me happy.
11. The ability to text. I've been having conversations with my peeps in Mesa, and it makes me so happy! because I'm not totally isolated from them.
12. The temple. It makes me sad to think that I'm not 5 or less minutes away from it anymore. But, the temple itself still makes me happy. the peace and comfort that can be found within and on the grounds. The spirit that is there, the calmness, the love that you can feel from your Father above. It brings a quiet joy to my heart.
13. The ability to have revelation. The knowledge that we can have communication with Heavenly Father, that He can speak to us through the Spirit - or through other people who are guided by the Spirit.
14. The word integrity.
15. The color purple.
16. Psychology. (Yes. I'm a nerd.)
17. The very knowledge that my Heavenly Father loves me.
18. The scriptures - with which I can strengthen my testimony and allow the Spirit to testify to me.
19. Jesus Christ. Just...pure joy, knowing He's got my back.
20. Love. True, Christlike love.

And...that's my list, for now. I'm super tired. I may go to bed...before midnight...for the first time in forever...haha. It's amazing how tired you can get from walking around for about an hour and then...doing nothing. But, I am happy. Which, you know, is always a good thing. :)

Future

This is kinda a super long poem...but it basically describes what was going on in my head the last few months of school up until now. It just seems so fitting to put it on my blog at this time.

Future
 

I’m leaving to catch my future

But where does that leave you?

Is there a place in my future

For you too?

I’m switching homes,

I’m switching schools,

I’m switching cities,

But where does that leave you?

How does one switch a friend?

A memory?

A song?!

You just cannot replace those things –

No switching allowed at all!

I remember the days

When I was most down,

Hard on myself,

Overwhelmed, stressed

No smile on my face,

Angry, depressed.

Those all went away

When you were around.

I have you to thank

For my sanity now!

I have to go catch my future,

But where does that leave you?

With you I smiled, I laughed,

Got many cases of the giggles,

Was silly, sarcastic,

Even cried a bit too.

You have helped me so much

And I hope I’ve helped you.

My future’s catching up to me –

Oh what am I to do?

When my future’s here,

And you are not,

What is one to do?

When I am there,

And you are not –

Where does that leave you?

Without me here

Without you there

And no help in between?

Who knows when

I will see you next?

Oh what am I to do?

My future’s nearly here, you see,

The next step of my life.

And with me gone

And with you not

How different life will be!

Without you there

‘Most everyday

To sing and laugh with me.

Still, life goes on

One surely knows.

But where does that leave you?

No longer in my life –

Or will our friendship carry on?

My future’s here

And you are not –

And yet, it seems you are.

And it’s true!

For you’re forever in my heart.

They say the ones

That you love most
Will never really leave you.
I didn’t truly understand
Until my future
Caught up with me.

I thought at the end of graduation, I understood the whole leaving thing, what it would do to me. I thought I had come to grips with it. But I didn't. Not until my future truly caught up to me. I had been planning this, thinking about it, imagining it, predicting things about it for months. I was heart-broken about leaving my friends for like a month before graduation actually happened. But, I didn't get it. I get it now. There's sorrow at the fact that there's a big fat question mark when it comes to when I will see many people again. But, McKenna, at the Chamber dinner I did at my house said it perfectly- though I didn't think it was perfect at the time - when she said, "I still feel like I'm going to see you all the time." Is that true? I don't know...but she's with me in my heart. And so are all of my friends. Who knows where life may lead me from this day forward. Only the Lord knows. And I trust in Him to make it possible to remember those people, and to be able to meet with them, and maybe randomly run into them. Besides, I've got my journal handy. I've just got to open it up and read if I feel like my friends are drifting from my memory.

I'm a little bit more calm than yesterday. I've got a little bit better grip on myself. I'm sure I'll have random breakdowns still, it's not like dinner with Amy and Stephen and hanging out with Katie Alston for one night, and getting a decent night's sleep is going to fix everything. It helped, but I'm not magically adjusted. That's gotta happen over time. But today has been a pretty good day! Welcome to Flagstaff, Beth.

AAAHHHH!!

Well, it's happened. I now live in Flagstaff. I left Mesa at 9:00, arrived in Flagstaff at around 11:30. My daddy left around 1:30, maybe 1:45. Dude. I am an adult. I am living on my own. (sorta. with roommates.) I literally don't know what to do. I DO have crazy awesome roommates. Really. Crazy and awesome. At least the two that  I have met. I am super excited to be living with them. Not that I really showed that...I'm too freaked out/overwhelmed/inhibited to show much more than the deer-in-the-headlights look.

I feel...vulnerable. Not something I feel often, or like feeling. Insecure, incapable, over my head. I think I'm just psyching myself out or something. I dunno...I can handle stress - not well, but I'm used to it. This isn't stress. this is just complete and utter...not handling. Bah, I can't explain it. Time to fake it till I make it? Yes. Time to stop being a baby? Yes. (though easier said and done.) Time to step out of my comfort zone A LOT? Yes.

If you guys could just be thinking about me, maybe say a prayer or two for me, I would appreciate it. Don't worry too much, I'll suck it up soon. I'll be ok. :) Just need to adjust. And trust the Lord.

I am blue.

Today was the beginning of the official goodbyes.This doesn't include graduation and girls camp. You always end up saying good bye to people after school ends and girls camp is over. But now, now I'm packing up all my things - literally. What I'm not taking up to Flagstaff with me is going in boxes here in Mesa. Now, I'm saying the last few goodbyes to my friends. I tell myself that I won't say goodbye - I'll see them again! - but then, my pessimism gets the best of me, and I think how I may NEVER see them again, or it will be a very long time before I see them, or that when I do see them again, it will be different, or awkward, or we both just won't care anymore. And I HAVE to say goodbye.

I'm just stuck in this funk, trying to get out. Packing makes me depressed. I can't wait for the last few times I'm gonna hang out with my friends before I go, but then I get sad to think that it may be the last time I see them in a while. My parents are buying all this last minute stuff, and asking me what food I want them to buy for my first few days up there, which makes me realize that I'm gonna be on my own. I'm not going to have them to rely on, to buy stuff for me, to do stuff for me. Which makes me nervous and overwhelmed. My room is a mess, and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with this packing, which stresses me out and makes me not want to pack, even though I really need to. I've turned into this big moody mess (well, more moody than usual) and my parents are getting the brunt of it.

The only thing that's keeping me from curling up into a ball or running away to a friend's house is the knowledge that I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is the path to take to find out what the Lord has in store for me, to achieve what He wants me to do. But, sometimes, the only thing that does for me is get me to stand up, organize/move some stuff in my room. It doesn't exactly make me happy.

I'm just blue. Talking to friends makes me happy, but then I feel more down afterwards. I just need some happy vibes. Or to just get on with it. It prolly won't be better until after I move. And then, on top of it all, I can't find my Integrity ring. This makes me very sad. and...there. My venting/depressed rant is over.

Girls Camp!

This week, I had my last girls' camp. At least until I'm old enough and become a cabin mom. Anyways, it was a...different/amazing/best experience ever. Well, maybe not best. But...timely? Needed? I was a part of Junior Staff this year. Which means I had more/less to do. Make sense? haha but, really. We were more involved in programs, and had loads of meetings, but we had down time. I actually took a nap! It was kinda awesome.

Moving on. Something that should be known about the way my stake does girls camp, is that it's always by stake. And I LOVE it this way! Like, seriously. I've never done it by ward before, but I feel like that's totally not necessary. Because the young women in my ward - and from what I can tell, in the other wards - are super united. We all know each other pretty well. And isn't the point of church functions like this to, not only for strengthen us spiritually, but to bring us closer together? I think it is. So, we as a stake are pretty close. (Dude. I LOVE Acacia ward. If I didn't love being a part of Lazona ward, I would find a way to become a part of Acacia. Super awesome people there.)

So. Junior staff. I'm pretty much a super shy person, unless you find a way to get me out of my shell. Usually this happens only when I am around people I know well or when I'm talking about the Gospel, music, or psychology. For the first couple meetings, I kinda kept to myself. I knew about half the girls well, and the other half only sorta. But then, something just clicked. Usually it takes me awhile to get settled in with people. Not so with the junior staffers. I just...love them so much! I mean, look at us:

We're pretty much super different. But, we are all daughters of God. and we all love each other. (that was the point of this night's program. Showing how different we were, yet we are still daughters of God. I'm about to give my spiel here.) I don't even know if I can explain it...but we were just one with each other! The theme was "Becoming One." It was so fitting.

These girls are my favorites. Actually, that's a lie. All of them are my favorites. I just happen to really like these pictures. And really like these girls. Please love both pics and girls with me!

One thing that made me super happy about these girls was that they liked my singing/guitar playing. They actually asked me to do it. I was always hesitant to do it, because, though I like to do it, I tend to worry/over-think a lot more than necessary, and I don't like to appear to show off. But, they asked. So I did it. :)

As self-conscious as I felt, I'm really glad they asked me to do it. I've made a goal to try to step out of my comfort zone more (you see those stars hanging? I helped put them up there. I'm terrified of heights. Score one for stepping out of my comfort zone!) and doing that definitely was putting me out there. But, I loved doing it. They made me feel ok with doing it, and I love to play and sing. It's always a good thing to share/use your talents for other people, anyway.

Girls Camp. it was great. I learned some things that I needed to learn. Relearned - or maybe took to heart - some other things I needed to. I grew close to people, and closer to others. Man, I just love what it does for me! There's always at least one person that I get to know better, and grow to love immensely! Not wanting any of junior staff to feel bad, but I think this year it was Marina Mason. She's just super awesome. I still love all of junior staff lots (they're all super awesome too, I promise!), but me and Marina had beds right by each other and talked lots at night. And I didn't know her that well before, so in getting to know her better, my love for her grew. Which kinda stinks because most of the other girls I've had years of knowing, so moving away isn't so bad. Oh well.

Girls Camp. Love it. It helps open my heart and mind - they become one! It helps me grow as a person. It brings me closer to my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I just...love it! And I'm gonna miss it! But, that's ok. It's ok to miss things, I guess. It means you've been able to learn things from them.