Today was the beginning of the official goodbyes.This doesn't include graduation and girls camp. You always end up saying good bye to people after school ends and girls camp is over. But now, now I'm packing up all my things - literally. What I'm not taking up to Flagstaff with me is going in boxes here in Mesa. Now, I'm saying the last few goodbyes to my friends. I tell myself that I won't say goodbye - I'll see them again! - but then, my pessimism gets the best of me, and I think how I may NEVER see them again, or it will be a very long time before I see them, or that when I do see them again, it will be different, or awkward, or we both just won't care anymore. And I HAVE to say goodbye.
I'm just stuck in this funk, trying to get out. Packing makes me depressed. I can't wait for the last few times I'm gonna hang out with my friends before I go, but then I get sad to think that it may be the last time I see them in a while. My parents are buying all this last minute stuff, and asking me what food I want them to buy for my first few days up there, which makes me realize that I'm gonna be on my own. I'm not going to have them to rely on, to buy stuff for me, to do stuff for me. Which makes me nervous and overwhelmed. My room is a mess, and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with this packing, which stresses me out and makes me not want to pack, even though I really need to. I've turned into this big moody mess (well, more moody than usual) and my parents are getting the brunt of it.
The only thing that's keeping me from curling up into a ball or running away to a friend's house is the knowledge that I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is the path to take to find out what the Lord has in store for me, to achieve what He wants me to do. But, sometimes, the only thing that does for me is get me to stand up, organize/move some stuff in my room. It doesn't exactly make me happy.
I'm just blue. Talking to friends makes me happy, but then I feel more down afterwards. I just need some happy vibes. Or to just get on with it. It prolly won't be better until after I move. And then, on top of it all, I can't find my Integrity ring. This makes me very sad. and...there. My venting/depressed rant is over.
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2 comments:
I know how you feel Beth. But I can also promise you that your truest and best friends will always be there for you. And it won't be awkward. Different, yes, but even after getting married, I still can hang out with and talk to my best friends like we did in high school. I know it's emotional and stressful, but it really will work out! Hang in there :)
I was right there with you two years ago, Beth! It's ok. And you're not crazy for feeling this way--it's a big step, and a big change! I'm not telling you it will be easy, but I PROMISE things will be ok. Different, yes VERY, but you will find that even though you can't talk to some people everyday like you used to, when you do talk, it will be like you didn't miss a thing. I'm excited to be your roommate! :)
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