Future

This is kinda a super long poem...but it basically describes what was going on in my head the last few months of school up until now. It just seems so fitting to put it on my blog at this time.

Future
 

I’m leaving to catch my future

But where does that leave you?

Is there a place in my future

For you too?

I’m switching homes,

I’m switching schools,

I’m switching cities,

But where does that leave you?

How does one switch a friend?

A memory?

A song?!

You just cannot replace those things –

No switching allowed at all!

I remember the days

When I was most down,

Hard on myself,

Overwhelmed, stressed

No smile on my face,

Angry, depressed.

Those all went away

When you were around.

I have you to thank

For my sanity now!

I have to go catch my future,

But where does that leave you?

With you I smiled, I laughed,

Got many cases of the giggles,

Was silly, sarcastic,

Even cried a bit too.

You have helped me so much

And I hope I’ve helped you.

My future’s catching up to me –

Oh what am I to do?

When my future’s here,

And you are not,

What is one to do?

When I am there,

And you are not –

Where does that leave you?

Without me here

Without you there

And no help in between?

Who knows when

I will see you next?

Oh what am I to do?

My future’s nearly here, you see,

The next step of my life.

And with me gone

And with you not

How different life will be!

Without you there

‘Most everyday

To sing and laugh with me.

Still, life goes on

One surely knows.

But where does that leave you?

No longer in my life –

Or will our friendship carry on?

My future’s here

And you are not –

And yet, it seems you are.

And it’s true!

For you’re forever in my heart.

They say the ones

That you love most
Will never really leave you.
I didn’t truly understand
Until my future
Caught up with me.

I thought at the end of graduation, I understood the whole leaving thing, what it would do to me. I thought I had come to grips with it. But I didn't. Not until my future truly caught up to me. I had been planning this, thinking about it, imagining it, predicting things about it for months. I was heart-broken about leaving my friends for like a month before graduation actually happened. But, I didn't get it. I get it now. There's sorrow at the fact that there's a big fat question mark when it comes to when I will see many people again. But, McKenna, at the Chamber dinner I did at my house said it perfectly- though I didn't think it was perfect at the time - when she said, "I still feel like I'm going to see you all the time." Is that true? I don't know...but she's with me in my heart. And so are all of my friends. Who knows where life may lead me from this day forward. Only the Lord knows. And I trust in Him to make it possible to remember those people, and to be able to meet with them, and maybe randomly run into them. Besides, I've got my journal handy. I've just got to open it up and read if I feel like my friends are drifting from my memory.

I'm a little bit more calm than yesterday. I've got a little bit better grip on myself. I'm sure I'll have random breakdowns still, it's not like dinner with Amy and Stephen and hanging out with Katie Alston for one night, and getting a decent night's sleep is going to fix everything. It helped, but I'm not magically adjusted. That's gotta happen over time. But today has been a pretty good day! Welcome to Flagstaff, Beth.