Another one bites the dust

So. One semester down of my senior year and one to go. Basically, I'm freaking out. I'm already better off than a lot of seniors - I've been accepted to the the one college I applied to, and the one college I actually wanted to go to. I have an apartment already. Well, a tentative apartment, but it's 99% certain. Plus, I have a sister and brother-in-law up there in Flagstaff who might possibly be able to set me up with a job. I have money in my savings account - not a whole lot, but a good amount. Despite all this, I'm panicking. I'm making lists in my head of things I'll need to start doing: my own laundry. My own shopping. Cooking my own meals. As much as I love mac and cheese and ramen, I can't handle eating just that for four years. I get sick of both in just a few weeks. Since I don't have a car - and won't have a car - I'll be walking everywhere. I'll need to start paying my own bills. Start doing taxes!! Every time I think the list is done, I think of something else, and start panicking again. I can't handle it!

And then, the thought of actually graduating and actually leaving Mesa makes me want to cry. Literally. I won't be leaving just my younger friends, like going from junior high to high school, but I'll be leaving just about everybody else too. The only family I'll see often is my sister and brother-in-law. Though I am grateful for them being up there, I'll miss everyone else. Once again, panic attack. I tend to avoid thinking about it and not let anyone talk about it in front of me.

But, then, I think of how so much has fallen in place for me. Like getting accepted, and finding a place to live, literally five minutes after I found out I had been accepted. Like having family up there, and already a few friends. Having money in my savings account. And I calm a little. It feels so right. I feel like that's where I'm supposed to go. Why else would it be so easy for me? I don't even have to pay for my tuition! I'm so lucky compared to many out there! I'm grateful for that. But, I'm still freaking out on the inside.

That's my little rant. And my little freak out. That kinda happens at least once a week. I think my brain might explode from the stress I'm producing from nothing.

Lumberjacks

So there's this little college up in Flagstaff. AKA NAU. I applied to go there. It actually was the only college I applied for. I was going to apply for ASU - I had everything filled out - but then I realized that the cost to do it was $50. Ridiculous. So I didn't.

Anyways, Monday night, while I was chilling on the couch, watching me some White Christmas, the phone rang. And, it ended up being NAU. This girl whose name was Christina proceeded to say, "Congratulations Beth. You have been accepted to go to NAU for the fall semester of 2011." Hallelujah! I wasn't exactly worried. It's just relieving to know that I'm going to college. (Relieving? I meant to say stressful.)

So, I texted my sister Amy, who is currently going to NAU, the news. She immediately called me back. Lo and behold, she told me that she talked to a friend of hers/older sister of a friend of mine about rooming together. So I already have a tentative apartment. I'm for sure going to NAU, with the plan of getting a BA in Psychology. (Who wants a BS? That just sounds awful. "Hey Mom! Guess what! I earned my BS!" Ha, I'm already queen of BS. 100% on pretty much all of the weekly writings that I've done, and I basically just put a load of hooey together!) AND my sister and brother in law are looking for possibilities for jobs for me. It's kind of awesome how all of this is falling in place for me. It's something I'm incredibly grateful for. It's one more load of stress off my back. Now all I need to worry about is money. Which, I guess is pretty much everything.

But, I'm a pretty happy camper. The only thing you will hear me complain about with this whole business is that I have to pay $325 to enroll. Welp, I guess there's finally a legit purpose to spend my well earned college fund. I have a feeling that most of it will be gone before I even start my first semester of college.

So, only one semester left of being a jack rabbit. By this time next year, I'll have almost one full semester down up at NAU. Go Lumberjacks!

Little Drummer Boy - or Girl!

So, I have this thing with music. When there's a song that makes me feel warm and fuzzy, then I feel the need to analyze it - not too deeply. Just enough to get the gist of why it was written, and what was meant by the words. It's the quazi-poet in me, I guess. For example: Hey Soul Sister. I love, love LOVE!!! this song. Why? Simply because it's just a super cute love song full of randomness. It's not a typical love song, but then Train doesn't always sing typical songs. Like Drops of Jupiter. So, it makes me super happy. yes, random tangent.

So, anyways, I'm considering doing a random "Let's Discuss Christmas Music and Why it Makes Me Feel Warm and Fuzzy" segment. We'll see if it happens. So, as I took a nice, long nap (which, when I woke up, I felt drunk. Word of the wise, if you go to bed at 1 the previous night, don't take naps, because you'll never want to get up.) I decided I'd listen to some yummy Josh Groban Christmas music. So, the song that comes on just as I'm about to go to sleep is Little Drummer Boy, and my last conscious thought is "I like this song a lot."

Come they told me,
A new born King to see,
Our finest gifts we bring,
To lay before the King,
So to honor Him,
When we come.



Little Baby,
I am a poor boy too,
I have no gift to bring,
That's fit to give the King,
Shall I play for you,
On my drum?



Mary nodded,
The ox and lamb kept time,
I played my drum for Him,
I played my best for Him,

Then He smiled at me,
Me and my drum.

I took off the parum pum pums, because they aren't exactly necessary. So, anyways, part of the reason why I like this song so much, is because it brings me back memories of my piano lessons. It was one of the first Christmas songs I learned on the piano. A super simple version, but still, the Little Drummer Boy all the same. Some people find this song annoying, or pointless, but I feel it is one of the few non-hymns that really grasps the true meaning of Christmas.

Think about it, a poor boy goes to see the baby Jesus, knowing who he is, and that he deserves the best of gifts. He doesn't have much, so he gives what he can - which ends up being his talents. And, in the end, it's this poor drummer girl's gift that the baby Jesus recognizes with a smile.

Now, in relation to the Christmas season, what is the importance? Well, think about the boy's attitude. He knew he needed to give something. And, though he had little, he put his heart into the gift that he gave. Even in this Christmas season, some of us can be a little selfish. We see how little we have  - how that $2000 in my savings account is essential to college, and I can't spend a penny of it more than I have to - but, we always have things we can give. Service. Our talents. Our time. Our love. We don't need to give just fancy shamncy things. That's what the boy understood. So, this Christmas season, while you definitely shouldn't spend more than you should, try to give more of yourself than you normally would. Serve a little more. Show your love a little more. Use your talents to share the spirit a little more. *cough cough go to Vespers cough cough*

I love Christmas! Love it SO much! It makes me happy. And it makes me think of others a little bit more than I usually do. Peace on Earth and all that!

There can be no true happiness without service

It's amazing how often I forget this truth and become selfish and not think of others. But this weekend has been a great reminder!

Yesterday after school I went to Quiltfest. It's super simple (well...unless you get the yarn tangled or get loops on the back and stuff...which happened to me and Kaitlyn multiple times. Yarn is NOT my friend.) and is a lot of fun when you do it with friends. Especially when there's Christmas music on and you start singing along in an obnoxious manner. Ok, that may just be me, but we can pretend otherwise. But, I loved it, because it was super simple, and super fun, and despite the simpleness and funness, I was doing good. I think sometimes people get in the mindset that doing service is time consuming - which it can be, but not always - is boring, and is really difficult. When, in reality, a lot of the time, it isn't. And not only does service make the people you are serving happy, but it makes you happy. If you honestly put forth effort and try to think of others before yourself, you will be filled will a great happiness.

And then, today was my stake's Turkey Round-up. I'm part of the stake youth committee, and were kind of put in charge of it all, so I was at the stake center from 8:30 to about 12:00, helping the people who were bringing turkeys and keeping a tally of all of them. The leaders of the stake really wanted the youth to be involved in this, so in my ward I started a coin jar that I passed around during mutual - actually only for two weeks, because there were lots of times where we weren't all together. We ended up raising $46 dollars. Which is AMAZING considering I passed it around only two times. I was so proud of them! And so, I went to Frys with my mom this morning, with a letter that a member of the bishopric had written for me. We showed him the letter, and he let us buy 10 turkeys - he would have let us buy more, but there was this corporate thing that wouldn't let us. So, we got turkeys at 29 cents a pound, not having to do the whole buying 25 dollars worth of stuff first. There ended up being 10 dollars left. So, I went to the stake center with the turkeys, and gave the ten dollars to one of the leaders and he went to go see if he could get some more turkeys for me.

Here's the amazing thing. He went to like 4 different stores, showed them the letter, explained what we were doing (keep in mind we're gathering turkeys for the Food Bank. A legitimate donation.) and he got laughed at. All four times. He said me and my mom got lucky. My mom called it blessed. It truly was a blessing. The manager of the Frys we went to was so willing. He would have loved to let us get more than just the ten turkeys, but couldn't. As we were leaving, he kept saying that what we're doing was such a good thing. Because of him, 10 families get turkey dinners for Thanksgiving that wouldn't have before. Because of those 4 punk managers, at least two families will not get a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. We got lucky - we were blessed. It was just eye-opening for me. Because it showed me how the Lord will bless us when we do His work. He'll make it possible for us to help as many people as we are willing.

Service is awesome. I'm grateful for these experiences. Seriously, probably the best weekend I've had in a long time. On a random note, I think Gary, my pet gecko has either run away or died. I haven't seen him in a really long time. I blame my brother Michael. :( And, I miss reading. A lot. Stupid school. :( Oh! and on Monday, I have Vespers auditions! I'll be singing an duet with Johnathan Speakman. We'll be singing What Child is This, and I'll also be accompanying Katie Alston and Taylor Hansen for their duet. Wish us luck! I hope we all make it. :) I lurve Christmas music!

Family :)

So remember that one time I was in Utah for my niece's baptism? Well, one of the highlights of that trip was the chance to see my little niece Faith. I had never seen her before (except through Skype), never held her before. Which is super tough for me, because I love being an aunt and having a relationship with my nieces and nephews. So, when I got to hold her for the first time, I was super excited.

This is us getting acquainted with each other. :)

And this is us all acquainted and having fun and being happy! My count of times seeing her is up to two now - my brother and his family came down from Utah for my sister's wedding. Speaking of which.....

My sister Amy is no longer Amy Root. She's Amy Hale as of October 29. Which is awesome and weird, all at the same time. I'm so happy for her - because she's so happy, and Stephen is a great guy. But it's just weird for me, because she's three years older than me. Which means that in three years I could get married. (Actually, my brother swears I'm getting married in two years. Which kinda freaks me out.)

This was done for them by my sister in law Leigh. And I just like it lots. :) And guess what?! At the reception, I caught the bouquet! It was kinda funny.

This was taken after I caught it. Isn't Amy beautiful?! All in all, it was a pretty great wedding. I happy for Amy...and though I'm DEFINITELY not ready yet, I can't wait to get married.

So yeah, I love family, and I love when we all get together. I always miss them so much, because there's some that I hardly ever see. But then we all get together and we have lots of fun. :) My family makes me happy.

Life...and stuff

Welp, I've been super busy with school and homework and life. I had honest intentions to blog regularly. But since I have no clue how many people actually read this and since I have very little free time, I don't post as often as I originally planned. But, since I'm procrastinating my homework - my gimpy brother is watching TV anyway (He hurt his back so he has been sitting in the chair and watching TV for forever. And since he's a cripple, I must humor him.) - I decided to do a post. It's basically going to be a big jumbled mess. Which is typically what's going on in my brain, anyway.

So, this Friday, my sister is getting married. It's pretty awesome. Except it's kinda freaking me out, because she's three years older than me. Which means I that in three years I could be getting married. As much as I really want to get married, I'm am NOT ready for that.

Last Saturday was the Homecoming dance. It was lots of fun. I had a great group and a great date. Unfortunately, I didn't get to slow dance with him, because we were only there for one slow dance, and that ended up being the dance where all the Homecoming King and Queen nominees danced together. So I just kinda stood there awkwardly, until McKenna, being the sweetheart that she is, told her date to dance with me while she went to get a drink of water. So, I ended up dancing with my date's younger brother, Joseph! But, all in all, it was a fun night.

October Break was great - sorta. That was when my grandma died, but it was also Girls Camp. Let me tell you, being a YCL is one of the greatest experiences a person can have. I'm kind of a selfish person. But, for those few days, I dedicate myself to serving those girls that I'm over. I try my best to leave my wants out of the picture, and give myself up in service. And the relationship that is formed is amazing. I still consider some of the girls I was over last year as really good friends. In fact, one of them helped me a lot when I found out my grandma died. I just love them lots! When I think of Girls Camp, now, I picture the sweet faces of those girls I was over. And I miss them! It's hard not seeing them constantly like I did at camp. As a YCL, you learn how to love completely, how to see others as daughters of God, who are of great worth. It's been a couple of weeks, and I'm still thinking about and missing camp. But, the great thing about it, is that our stake youth activities are that much more fun, because I get to see everyone! Like softball this week! I'm so excited for that! Softball is possibly one of my favorite mutual activities.

Welp, I prolly should get to work. There's an unfortunate choir festival tonight that takes up half the night, which means less time for homework and such.

Thank you for the music - a tribute.

"Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me"
-ABBA

This Girls Camp was...interesting, for the lack of a better word. Depending on the mood I am when you ask me, I might say it was my best, but I also might say it was my worst. There was just a lot that happened - but I do know all of it has potential to make me stronger.

The weekend before, my grandma Root had a massive stroke. She wasn't expected to live much longer. So, I went off to camp, telling my dad to call one of the leaders if she did happen to pass away. Monday night, the first night up there, a leader pulled me aside to tell me that Grandma wasn't doing well, and that my dad didn't think she'd last a whole lot longer. I was fine. A little sad, but I was expecting it. Then, Tuesday night, I was pulled aside again. This time, I was told that she passed away. And I was devastated.

The thing is, I was expecting it. And I know that her spirit is still living. I know that she's happier now - that she's finally reached her happily ever after (the camp theme). But, I was just completely and utterly devastated. I couldn't face anyone. The rest of the time there, I kept smiling and laughing only because of the girls around me. It's easy to smile for others, and then eventually the smile becomes real.

But, this isn't supposed to be about me - ok, I guess it is a tiny little bit. But this is about my grandma, and what she has done for me. She has given me one of the most wonderful gifts I could ever ask for: music. I was eight years old. My dream was to become the first woman in major league baseball. I planned on being in every sport possible in high school. I was a die-hard sports fan. Then, for Christmas, my grandma said she'd give me piano lessons. I knew a little bit - my mom had taught me a bit. But, basically all I could play was Mary Had a Little Lamb.

So, I learned piano. And, while I didn't exactly like practicing, or all the songs she assigned me to play, I grew to love playing. Once I got into Young Womens, I started learning hymns, and I loved it. I started attempting John Schmidt songs. I played for a niece's baptism. I learned to feel music, not just play it. Because of those piano lessons, I chose band and choir my 9th grade year over volleyball and softball. I gradually lost my athletic skills, because I wasn't working on them. Basically, the only sport I'm decent at now is softball.

Now, I'm wussy, hate exercising, hardly ever watch sports, but music has become my passion. I sing, play piano, am a former drummer/percussionist, and play a wee bit of guitar. I attempted to teach myself violin, but that lasted about a week - I'll prolly need lessons if I ever really want to learn. Music helps me survive life.

I've been going through a whole lot recently. Just struggling to get by - but hey, that's life! And, what's been helping me get through it, is music. I believe it has power to heal the soul. It invites the Spirit, it makes me happy, and I can put my everything into it, whenever I'm having a lousy day. I forget myself in the music. Music is a part of me. Music can also be used as service - a song unto the Lord, to invite the Spirit, to help others. And service makes me happy.

I don't know what would have happened if I never had those piano lessons. Would I be a hardcore athlete? Would I even be in choir? Would I love to run? (Running is something I really dislike doing.) Would I be the person I am now? I don't know, I honestly don't. So, I just want to say, Grandma, thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing. Thank you for the music, for giving it to me.

Homecoming? Why yeesss!

So, this morning, I wake up to my alarm at 6:00. I forgot to turn off my alarm. I get up anyway, since I had the SAT to go to. I change, but then fall alseep on the living room couch. Half an hour, my mom walks in, slightly confused to see me sprawled out on the couch. She then goes outside to turn the fountain on, but instead of coming back in, she yells, "Beth, why is the house TPed?" I was confused. I walked outside to see on the doormat:

Umm...sorry. It turned sideways...and I'm too lazy to try to fix it. Ya'll can read sideways, right? (Is anyone else confused by the random sun?) 

So I take down all...or most...of the toilet paper, and there were letters written one them. So, I ripped the letters off, arranged them to get this name:

So why is this one normal? Oh well. So yeah. Johnathan Speakman. Needless to say, I'm like ridiculously excited. I actually wasn't expecting to get asked. So getting asked by one of the nicest boys ever was a pleasant surprise. Hence the ridiculous excitement. It's going to be freakin' awesome.

In other news...since I haven't updated in, like, eternity...school has been stressful. There may be certain teachers *cough cough Garcia cough cough* that, if they happened to disappear, I wouldn't mind too much. Though I swear I would have nothing to do with it...

I've quit my job. I've been super stressed, and had been considering it for a little while. And then, my daddy's schedule got changed, so I have no ride. So, no more work! Which also means no more moolah.

Also, music is amazing. Not that you all didn't know that already. But, lately, it's something I've come to appreciate even more. (I know, I thought it was impossible too. But, hey! Miracles do happen!) I've started playing Olivia a little bit more often. I'm bringing her to Girls Camp this next week, for our singing trees song. And I'm kinda excited to show all the little 1st years I'm over this year how cool their YCL is. Because I can play the guitar. Yes, Olivia is my guitar. Here she is!

See! It turned again! but...it's almost better this way...perhaps...but yeah. This is Olivia the guitar. She's purty, isn't she? Technically, she's not mine. She's my brother's. But I just like to pretend she's mine.

So, yeah. That's been my life in a nutshell. Minus some stuff. Like how I considered dropping A Cappella, (long story, but no worries, it's not gonna happen) and how I went to my sister, Amy's, bridal shower and bachelorette party - in less than three weeks, she'll be married! And a few other minor details.But, it's been...life! I'm just plugging through it.

Well, that's it for now. When I get back from girls camp, I'll prolly share some stuff about it. And I'll try to post more often. As long as I don't get too lazy...haha. :)

Awesomeness

Ok, so there's a lot that happened this weekend that I want to share, but I'll do it one at a time, and not in the order that it happened.

Last night, I had an awesome experience. I went to the Lamb of God concert, performed by the EVMCO (East Valley Mormon Choir Organization) and conducted by Rob Gardner.

Oh my gosh is was SO amazing. Let me tell you. I love music. And that is exactly why I love music. The spirit was so strong. The music told a story, sometimes in a different perspective that what you normally would. It was about the days leading up to the Atonement and then the Resurrection. I learned some things. I was inspired by others. One thing that really struck me was Mary, Jesus' mother. How many of us think of her, and the pain and anguish she must have gone through watching her son suffer and die, and not be able to do anything about it. I know whenever I see someone I love in pain or suffering in some way, I want to help. It almost physically pains me to see them in pain. And it must be like 50 times worse for a mother to watch a child go through something like that, and have absolutely no power to help. It must have been a sacrifice for Mary. She's definitely someone I want to run up to and give a big hug to when I get the chance to meet her.

So, yeah, that concert was inspiring and refreshing. I love me some good music. And not only was that inspiring and spiritually music, but it was just good! Seriously, that choir was amazing. Amazing tone, amazing balance, amazing blends, amazing power. Just, you know, all-round full of amazingly awesomeness.

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a poet

On the way to Utah Friday night, I received inspiration on a poem to write. I've been thinking about what to write, since I need 4 original poems for my portfolio. So, since it was like 2 am at the time, it was pitch black. Like, I could see nothing outside the car window. And it freaked me out. Mostly because of my dad's driving. He's not a bad driver, don't get me wrong. But roads are curvy, my imagination is active, I'm terrified of heights, and who knew if there was an edge, and my dad occasionally likes to drive faster than my liking. So, I was probably a little more scared than I should have been. But then I'd fall asleep for twenty minutes, shift positions, sleep some more, wake up, talk a wee bit, then sleep some more. So I didn't freak out the whole night.

But at one point when I was staring out into the creepy darkness, I thought of an idea for the poem. And I wrote it today on the car ride home. And I want to share it, because I want critiquing. So here it is. The title is still iffy.

In the Darkness

I look out into the darkness,
The deep, dark Night.
I see nothing,
Save rare glimpses
Of Light.

Despair fills my heart,
For my eyes see nothing
But the deep, dark Night.

My eyes close tight,
Hoping that when they open,
There'll be no more Night.
But, no, the dark
Still overwhelms.

Fear grips my being,
Fear of the unknown
As strange, eerie sounds
Penetrate the Night and
Come to my ears.

There terror nearly masters me,
Till I see another small Light,
And I'm reminded of
The Dawn.

Hope overtakes the
Fear, despair, and terror,
Every bad thought and feeling
Banished.

For the Dawn breaks
Every morn.
The Sun will come.

Thought clouds shroud the sky,
And also my heart,
The Sun will always come.
Maybe not in the open, or
Clearly seen,
But always there.

The Sun waits to
Shine through the darkness.
There can be no darkness
Without the Light.
There can be no morning
Without the Night.

The terror is gone,
The hope growing strong,
And my eyes are now
Towards the sky,
Searching for the coming
Sun.

Ok, keep in mind that this is free verse. It's not supposed to be exactly flowy, and there's no particular structure. But, please let me know what you think. If you have critics, let me know...But you should know that I tend to take them personally. I try not to, but it just sometimes happens. So, yeah. Still let me know if you have critics. I want to make it super good! Thanks!

P.S. Please notice how I made the whole metaphor thing optional. I could literally be talking about the sun, or, you know, the Son. I felt clever when I was writing it.

Randomness on a stick

I just finished an essay that took forever to write because of brain farts and the constant distraction of little kids. Some I'm related to, some I'm not. And, let me just say that I'm glad that the most annoying kid is NOT related to me. So, basically, my brain is flowing randomness from my brain, and I felt like typing some of it out.

1. I really, really like the oldies. A 10+ hour car ride, and we listened to nothing but oldies. And I really liked it. But, let me tell you, some of the oldie songs were just as scandalous and modern songs.

2. I hate sleeping in cars. Like a lot. And, if you leave at 10 at night, you need to sleep. Well, if you're me. So, now my knee/leg hurts because I found the most comfortable position to sleep, but after like 10 minutes, it would make my right leg cramp up. Actually, at the moment, both my legs are cramping. I've probably been sitting too long.

3. Naps are the best. I love them. A lot.

4. I left my MP3 player at home. And I'm sad because of it. I'm craving me some Nickel Creek goodness right now. And I can't just pull up Pandora or Youtube because everyone else in the room is sleeping.

5. I really like using laptop. They're spiffy, and I feel like I type super fast. I don't know if that's true, and if it is why that would be. Or if it isn't, why it feels like I type with super speed. But, yeah.

6. So I have this poetry portfolio to do, and I'm supposed to put in 4 originals that I've written myself. Which I guess is the definition of original, huh? On the car ride up here to Utah, I received inspiration for two of them. I'm excited to write them.

7. Speaking of poetry, I'm using my sister's poetry for the two poems that I need for the contemporary poems for the portfolio. Because she's a legit poet. Like, for reals. She's published, and not just in that cheesy district contest book thingy. Basically, her poems are awesome.

8. Gardetto's is seriously one of the greatest snack foods in the history of snack foods. And Jerky. (written while chomping on some Gardetto's

9. Have I ever mentioned how much I love blogging? Because I love it. A lot.

10. It's really awesome that, despite the crappy quality of sleep I've gotten, I am in a really good mood.

11. My mom is using a laptop for the first time in her life at this very moment. I'm so proud of her. :)

12. By the way, I'm here in Utah for my niece's baptism. Tomorrow is her 8th birthday, and she gets to be baptized tomorrow, which is really unusual for two reasons. It's on a Sunday and it's on her birthday. She's just special, I guess.

13. My mom left her camera at her classroom yesterday, so we weren't able to bring it with us. Which make me really sad, because I wanted to show you all some pictures of my adorable little nieces and nephews, and because I wanted a picture for myself of the first time I get to hold little Faith. She's 5 months old and I've only ever seen her in pictures or through Skype. I'll - hopefully! - get to hold her tomorrow.

Uh, I'm tired. and probably should work on my poetry portfolio, so the randomness is over, for now.

Oh! last one! Sara Bareilles' new CD comes out soon. And though I have no clue when I'll actually be able to buy it, I'm so excited for it. She's like my all-time favorite. EVER!

I have a confession to make

I complain. A lot. I often say it's a hobby of mine. But, within the past month or so, it's gotten a lot worse. Like, right now, I can name off a bunch of stuff to complain about without thinking to hard: My back hurts. I'm tired. I'm on my freakin' period. (Sorry if that's TMI, but...let's face it. It happens to me every month for a week, and more or less the same thing for every other girl going through or who has gone through puberty. It's a fact of life...suck it up, my friend.) I don't have time to do any homework, except the stuff that due the next day, so I have no time to work on the projects. This weekend, I have mucho tarea to do, and like no time to do it. My brother has moved back home, and while that's not a bad thing, I have to learn to share everything. My room has been cut in half, because of long story that I'm not going to get into. And I want a cell phone.

Um...well, that got carried away. But, you get my point. I'm super negative. I can find so much to complain about. And it's really been just dragging me down. I mean, I'm happy. But it's hard to focus on bad and good at the same time. So, I'm just really glad to have the friends that I do, because they help me forget the bad and the whiny, complaininess. Today in choir, on of my friends just came up and gave me a hug, out of the blue, no special reason. And, when I was getting all pessimistic, I just remembered that hug and I smile and think of how awesome it is that I have friends who care about me.

Every single day, someone, somehow, makes me feel special and helps me stay positive. Every single time I show that I'm being all moody and upset, someone lets me know that they care about me and that they actually want me to be happy.

So, after thinking about how it's awesome that I have the friends that I do, and how there really were good parts to my day, and how I actually have things to be grateful for, I realized that to every negative thought, there's a positive.

My back may hurt, but I can have it worked on for free at work, if I want, while others have to pay for their therapy. If I'm tired, I'll just go to sleep faster. And I might be loopy the next day. I'm on my period...well...that just means I can be a mommy when I'm married. The homework, well, that just gives me something to do on the 10 hour car ride to and from Utah this weekend. Michael has moved back home, but now I have someone to talk to about randomness. And sharing is caring. My room is tiny, but I'll have to actually hang my clothes up now, which means no wrinkly shirts. And, the cell phone...well...um....let me think...I guess since I don't have to pay for it, that's money that's going into my college fund.

So, I'm going to make it a goal of mine to try to see the positive, instead of the negative. If you see me complaining, I give you permission to smack me. Just kidding, don't smack me. Just yell at me and tell me to think happy thoughts.

Future mom is what I am!

There's many times when I say I want to get married. And people raise their eyebrows at me. I don't want to get married now obviously, but I most definitely want to be married. I've contemplated writing letters to my future husband, because that's what he means to me. I love him - even though I don't know who he is. I probably don't even know him yet. But, I love him, because I know what he'll be. A good man, a respectful husband.

Then, I often say I want a baby. So I get the eyebrow raise again, and usually some exclamations follow. No, I don't want a baby now, but, oh my gosh, I want one so bad! I want to be a mommy!

This is me holding my nephew Joel just a few days after he was born. In about a month, he will be two years old. This was about the time the whole baby thing started for me. (Hey, check it out! I still have the same watch that I'm wearing in the picture! What a good, sturdy watch. They usually fall apart on me. It may be tacky, but it's been good to me!)

Then, about six months later, my niece Taylor was born. And I held her for the first time. And it was like BAM! I freakin' want a baby. I understand that, at the moment, I would probably be a crappy mom. I can't handle watching my nieces and nephews for over three hours without wanting to strangle them. I don't have a mother's patience. I refuse to change diapers, unless I'm the only one there, and it's necessary. Things like that. 

But, I still want to be a mom. I want to have little kids run up to me, yelling, "Mommy!" and then give me a big hug. I want to be able to sing them to sleep, to teach them about Jesus and their ABCs. I want to hold them in my lap and read them stories and teach them simple Gospel principles and watch them grow. Is that at all weird? That I can't wait for all that to happen? And the great thing is, I have so many nieces and nephews that I can start practicing the whole patience thing now. It takes some work, but it'll be worth it in the end. It's my Divine Nature, to be a mom. I absolutely can't wait.

The Lamb

Have you ever read a poem that you just absolutely loved, and needed to share with everyone? One that just makes you feel...just feel? So much? Feel so much that you couldn't even explain it? I've read poems like that. And I'd thought I'd share one with you. This poem just brings a little extra feeling into my being because I first knew it as a song. My ward choir has sung it before - like a long time ago, so I don't remember the whole melody, but I do remember the gist of it. And it gives me goosebumps just to think about it.

The Lamb, by William Blake

   Little Lamb, who made thee?
   Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life & bid thee feed,
By the stream & o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing wooly bright;
Gavet thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice!
   Little Lamb who made thee?
   Dost thou know who made thee?

   Little lamb, I'll tell thee,
   Little lamb I'll tell thee!
He is called by thy name,
For he calls himself a Lamb:
He is meed & he is mild,
He became a little child:
I a child & thou a lamb,
We are called by his name.
   Little Lamb God bless thee.
   Little Lamb God bless thee.

I'm just curious how you all feel about it. Haha I know not many people read this...but if you do, please leave a comment and share your feelings about this poem. It means a lot to me, and gives me comfort - it mentions our likeness with Christ. "We are called by his name." So, I want to know what it means to you. Maybe it will greaten (Erm, is that a word? hmm...yes, it's a word, I've just decided.) my appreciation for it. Please and thank you. :)

Ugh!

Homework needs to go die in a hole. It's killing my happy Sunday mood. I didn't get my Sunday nap, which is also making me kinda grumpy. I hate doing homework on Sundays anyway. Sunday is the day that I try to remove all worldly worries from my mind - which includes homework. But, because of a busy week, a busy Saturday, and just a wee bit of procrastination, (Only a wee bit. I've been pretty good so far!) I've been stuck with a freakishly big load of homework. Which isn't very pleasing to me.

But, on a happier note, today is my Daddy's birthday! So we're having lots of family come over tonight. Which means lots of chaos. And possibly a headache. And more procrastination of homework. But, it will be fun. I love my Daddy and my family!

One Saturday morning

I am up at 8 on a Saturday. Usually, I'm sleeping for at least another hour. But, this particular Saturday, I'm especially busy. (So why am I blogging? Because I'm really up half an hour earlier than I need to, and I like blogging. And I don't really want to start either of my two essays at the moment.) I'm not going to get into the details of all I'm doing today, because this post isn't about me complaining. Though I may often do that. :) this post is about an act of service that I am about to do, and am very grateful for the opportunity to do.

You see, I think service is important...but I don't always necessarily do it as often as I should. But, today, someone in my ward is moving. Sis. Martineau, a former Young Womens leader. She was released last week. And, the thing with Sis. Martineau, she's like one of the best leaders you could ask for. I'm kind of heart-broken to see her go. So, this morning, I'm going to be helping her clean her house. And I'm grateful for the opportunity, because it allows me to serve someone who has been serving me for the almost 5 years she's been in Young Womens. Serving leads to loving the person you're serving even more. It allows you to express a love you might not be able to do with words. So, serving is awesome. I definitely jumped at the chance to do this service for a wonderful person, and, truly, a wonderful friend. Isn't great when you have leaders that you can call your friend?

So, anyway, service is pretty dang cool. I probably should do a whole lot more of it. But can I give you guys a challenge? Haha all like 5 of you who read this? Find someone you love, but maybe don't always express that love to, and then serve them. There's no better way of expressing your love! and, if you're like me and you always can't figure out what to do, go and hug that person. I've learned to do that. Of course, you may not be like me and have to problem going out and hugging person...I don't mind being hugged, I just usually don't start the hug. I'm not a real huggy person...though I do like hugs...make sense? Yes, I'm a walking contradiction. Haha. So yeah. Go serve! :)

If you chance to meet a frown, do not let it stay...

Here's me as of 9:30 last night: rushing home from the stake center, after the stake Standards Night and a youth committee meeting. I hadn't started any homework since I got home from school at 3, read my scriptures, got ready for work, went to work, got home at 6, at dinner, and left, off to the stake center. So, when I got home from that, I needed to take a shower - me without a daily shower = Beth with ridiculously nasty hair. So, I didn't start on my homework until 10. I went to bed at 11 because I was worn out from running around all day. I didn't work on anything I was planning on, but only finished my English homework that was due the next day. Soooo, anyways, I went to bed upset. So then, when I woke up this morning...I was upset.

It started off not too bad. I was just tired, still slightly worn out. My essay in AP Gov even ended up being ok to turn in Monday instead of Friday (Seriously, probably the highlight of the day before 6th hour.) The day went on and got progressively and progressively worse. And then, lunch. Lunch is the time that I get to relax, eat, and just lie there, resting my brain until 5th hour - which I need, because as much as I love AP Psych, that class takes brain power. Instead of relaxing and resting my brain, there was a choir thing, practicing Carry On.

Now, you will never hear me say a bad thing about Miss Coffey. I do have some concerns, but that's just because she's different from Mrs. Jones. But, seriously? Miss Coffey, yes, Carry On is important, but what's more important is getting the message across to those students, not the little pronunciation pet peeves you have. Any other song, I would be right beside you. But this is Carry On. The song is about tradition. and P.S. half the song, the student body sings with us and drowns us out. Kay, now that I'm done complaining...that lunch thing just brought me down. Like a lot.

Then, to top things off, we had an FRQ in Psych. Which I may or may not have failed, because of exhaustion and not reading the question completely...actually, I fixed it after I realized I was writing about the wrong thing, but I had already wasted about half my time, I really have no clue what I wrote the second time around.

So, this crappy day, and just crappy feelings that made the crappy day seem worse (have I complained enough yet?) was not quite over. I had seminary 6th hour. I don't think I've prayed harder for an uplifting lesson in seminary. Literally. And...It. Was. Amazing. My spirits were lifted just about the moment I stepped into the classroom, because of the spirit there and because of my great friends who sit next to me. :) And then the lesson was exactly what I needed. Bro. Dixon was truly led by the spirit and taught with the Spirit of truth.

So, now my crappy day, well, it doesn't seem so crappy anymore. If someone was to ask me how my day went, I would probably say it was pretty good. The good will outweigh the bad every single time. Sadness is a very powerful emotion. It can depress you and those around you. But, happiness can be so much more powerful, if you let it me. Put a smile on your face, because when you see someone smile at you, your day just brightens up. So, brighten someone elses day, and your day will brighten. Don't believe me? Try it out! Where I work, there's lots of people in pain - that's why they come. And I don't exactly work with the patients. I'm a just a file girl who stutters and has trouble talking to strangers. But, I can smile. And when I smile at some of those patients, their face lights up. It doesn't happen all the time. But sometimes, after seeing a grimace of pain, and then a bright smile, the cockles of my heart get warm and I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Smile! Being sad is way over-rated. Being happy is so much better!


Oh! p.s. I saw Gary today! I don't always see him, because he's a quick one that is slightly scared of me. But I caught a glimps of him!

Meet my pet gecko

I've never had a pet. Never. Not even a fish. I still don't have one, but there's been a gecko running amok in my house. Meet Gary.

I've decided that Gary is my pet. He's not in a cage or a tank or anything. He's free to go where ever he wants. I'm secretly hoping he'll get big enough to eat the freakish amounts of crickets that have invaded my home. I've been noticing that lots of the crickets are missing legs. I hope that's because Gary has been snacking on them. The only sad thing is, I never know when I'll see him. He's kinda shy and tends to run away if you come near him. Welp, that's Gary the gecko!

I'm a nerd

There's absolutely no doubt about it. I'm a complete and utter nerd. Why? I walked out of my AP Psych class and just couldn't wait to go home and read my text book. That's right, I wanted to read my text book. In all honesty, I would probably enjoy just sitting there reading it, just for fun. Last night, as I was taking notes, I started contemplating the things I was reading and writing about. And then I got into a discussion about it with my mom. And was excited about it.

And I'm excited about going to AP Psych tomorrow, just so I can learn more.

Yes, this book is going to be my best friend.

This book, uh, not so much. Sorry, psychology. But this book is kinda icky. Maybe if the author wrote like a normal person, and not take a paragraph to say what could be said in a simple statement I'd be able to comprehend what's written.

But, besides my great psych class, school seems like it's going to be...ok. I'm still not like super excited for it, but it'll be a good time. One of my best friends ever, Lanelle Alldredge, is in four of my classes, so that will be fun. :) And I have two choir classes, great times happen there. And, best of all, seminary. I have Bro. Dixon. There are great people in my class (Shay Johnson, again! Probably what made me most excited.) and I can tell it's going to be a good class.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to actually look forward to school.

And so it begins

I've decided that I really like blogging. And that it might be fun to do a normal one that's not for Personal Progress. So this is just gonna be about what's going on in the life of Beth. It's not exactly the most exciting thing, but it's fun to share some of the randomness that goes on in my head.

So, I guess I'll start off with a description of who I am. My name is Beth Ann Root. I'm the youngest of nine kids. We're kinda a typical not-so-typical Mormon family. Did that make sense? No? Well, there ya go. That's pretty much my family. We're all sarcastic. We all are musically inclined. Music is kind of one of my favorite things. Ever. Sarcasm flows from my mouth regularly, so most of my friends have learned not to take me too seriously. In fact, one or two of them are more brutally sarcastic than me, which is pretty incredible actually.

Probably the most important thing in my life is my religion. I'm LDS. Aka Mormon. It's made me who I am. It's what guides me in my journey of life, what helps me set my goals, and what keeps me looking forward with a positive attitude. Most of all, it's what makes me happy. I've learned to try to be happy. Always, always, always. I could be tied up in a dark closet, but I can still choose to be happy. But, hopefully, I'll never have my happiness tested out with that particular trial...

I'm a complete and utter nerd. And I'm ok with it. I love to read. Like a lot. You probably have no idea just how much I love to read. And, as much as I complain about school, I do enjoy learning. Just not the learning process. I love to talk about the things that I learn and to share it with others. I just may not be able to explain it too well. I have this thing I call verbal dyslexia. I sometimes have a hard time saying what's in my brain. Which then leads to my love for writing. Writing is so much easier than speaking. I can erase and take time to make every word near perfect. And getting putting ideas out on paper in a way that I could never do with speaking is one of the greatest things ever. I write the occasional poem, but in all honesty, it doesn't happen that often. I have to be inspired by something. And my favorite thing ever? Learning about the Gospel. My favorite book? The Book of Mormon. Yes, total nerd. I embrace my nerdiness.

So, now you know a bit about me. Welcome to the start of my blog! :) Now, I'm not a picture person, but I'll try to get pictures up here, to spice the blog up. Because it is a wee bit boring without some pictures. We'll just see what happens.